Why are we so rude and disrespectful

[chipper]

It seems like two or three times a week I get someone complaing that another member was rude to them. As I look back at my PM's most of the points that I have given have been for rudeness. I can't think of any good reason to be rude to another member. In fact the first five forum guidelines talk about that.

You can disagree without calling names and you don't have to reply to everything you disagree with. If you don't want to see a Lady don't see her. I don't need to hear why you made the decision. If you don't like the Ladies looks don't call her and after talking to her don't say You are too Old for me, or you are too big for me, or I am not attracted to you. There is just no reason for that. Why would you call her if you weren't attracted to her.

We are all members here and while we aren't friends there should be some sort of bond that makes us want to be nice. My parents always told me that if I couldn't say something nice not to say anything. They all talked aobut the Golden Rule which translates to : Treat others the way you want to be treated. This includes both the guys and the Ladies.

I think that respect for your fellow members, especially the ones you hope to meet BCD is just as important as hygiene and discretion. I am here to find Ladies that I find attractive and get better acquainted with them. I would hate for someone to run them away by being rude and crass.

On another point. When I give points it will not help you to discuss how many legal parents I have or what my IQ is or how much of a little man complex I have. We don't make the rules but we are charged to try to enforce them and to keep this big boat on the proper course.

Lets all play nice or go home.

[topsgt38801]

Chipper,

Good post. There seems to be an increasing amount of drama and people going after each other. My feelings are everyone should always be respectful of other people and their opinions even if we do not agree. Also, any personal vendettas should go at worse case PM or not at all. There is too much drama in the entire world and we are all on this board generally for the same purpose. I know comments on the board go a long way in my desire to see an individual because I use reviews as well as comments that are posted by the individual to determine if I would like to spend time with them. I will probably get many comments about this. Just my personal feeling.

Top

[Fast Gunn]

Thanks, Chipper, that is a much needed reminder to some hard cases on the board, but it will probably fall on deaf ears.

I too have wondered why some will go out of their way to slam other members without provocation. It is a serious character flaw, but unseen by such individuals.

The net result of such behavior is that many good posters have been driven away because anything they say will be met with heavy criticism.

The saying that bad money drives out good money also applies to members of boards like Eccie.

Some members who have been banned for rude behavior come back without having learned a damn thing and just pick up where they left off without modifying their atrocious behavior.

. . . While I would never want you mods to become as cruel and heavy-handed as the mods used to be on aspd, but maybe you guys are just too nice!

[guest043013-2]

Nicely said Chipper.

Another member started a thread about ladies who contribute in a positive manner over and above their BCD skills. In his list is Cathy. Cathy was actually one of my first sessions after I joined ASPD. Saw her many times, and she spoke often of the members as a family that needed to take care of ourselves.

While the term family may not be something that makes you comfortable, and in today's world of dysfunctional families and Kardashian crap, it may seem ridiculous, remember that the hobby world is really looked down upon by most people. When a member here finds themself in trouble, they may have no one else to turn to but another member. Especially the ladies. Guys may be living two lives, a real world and a hobby life, but for the ladies, taking a job in the sex industry may have cut them off totally from their families and friends.

If you sow discord with your family here, then who will you turn to in your time of need?

Sadly, the anonymity of the internet allows a person to be rude and believe there are no consequences to the behavior, that their attituse will never come back to bite them in the butt. I always figure that the people who display the worst behavior may have money, but they have long lost any real friends or family to count on and they live a bitter existence both here and in their real life.

[Guest110516]

Originally Posted by tigercat

...Sadly, the anonymity of the internet allows a person to be rude and believe there are no consequences to the behavior, that their attituse will never come back to bite them in the butt...

I also thinks anonymity is a factor. Apparently, anonymity breeds contempt.

Here are some other possibilities (your thread title does ask why)...

Some Mods and heavy posters are rude. It may be difficult for the masses to behave if they don't see it from the leaders.

Some posters' "rudeness" is valued (or at least tolerated) for its "honesty" or "sense of humor." While some may have earned a degree of latitude, the casual reader may take away the message that rudeness is tolerated and sometimes valued.

Some who are banned, take their forced vacation, and come back. I don't know if anyone has been banned for rudeness, but if they have, punishment has not been a deterrent.

I can imagine PMs are even ruder than what I've seen posted. I've noticed it in posts, but until now, did not think any Mods were concerned about it.

[NatalieSummers]

Sweet Chipper.
There is a big reason you are called "the Super Moderator". Respect for one another is a big issue for me, and it should be for all of us. Personally, I think we got a good thing going on here, and then someone (provider or hobbyist) muddies the waters abit. And if gone un-noticed, or the like, it takes on a life of its own...and grows. We can keep this "good thing going" if we all just do as our parents (hopefully) told us. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything. And trust me, as a provider, I have had to say things to men that, said in a different manner, would hurt them deeply. I am not like that. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not like that. I try to be respectfull of their feelings, and diplomatic in my approach to address the issue. I just keep the hurtful verbage in my little balloon on top of my head!

Can't we all just get along?
love you Chipper! "one hour at a time".

[Guest032716]

Chipper - you ROCK

Having said that, I have been known To get pretty rude in response to three stimuli
First - I have no patience with dawgs that post negatives about providers they've NEVER seen, much less BCD - or ones who continue to post outdated alerts
Second - this idiotic notion that a WK is one who defends a provider as I will defend ANYONE against slurulous attacks that are based on ignorance or rumor.
Third - quacking by someone again who is ignorant of the provider which is addressed in the rules.

Oh - the most aggravating are the posters who say they only speak fact when in reality it's pure conjecture - guess it's all the same thing, ignorance posing as informed knowledge!

[MissTThick]

Well said! I am including all of the above posters in that.

[Pink Floyd]

Chipper, it is just in some peoples nature to be confrontational. I ignore several people because they never have anything to say that i want to hear. For anybody who wants to test their debating skills I suggest they stop over at http://www.delphiforums.com/ and dip their beaks in the political or religious forums. If they want to talk finances there is always http://www.bogleheads.org/forum/index.php

[sketchball82]

Excellent post, and a great reminder to us all (especially me)!

I find that I struggle with this a lot, because I break down people's arguments for a living in real life. It's hard not to want to do that here. It's my nature to explain why someone doesn't make sense, and a lot of people take that personally and then lay in with the personal attacks. I've found once a discussion starts heading for disaster, it's best to just block whoever you're arguing with.

[NatalieSummers]

Bingo Tiger Cat! That simple word hides and shields so many REAL A-holes on here. Men AND women.... sigh.....but....This is the game, there are rules, and picking out a fake name for you to sign in on IS part of the game rules.....

And the beat goes on....and the beat goes on...............
oh
and
I have heard Karma is a bitch!

[Still Looking]

Being rude and disrespectful is up for interpretation on a regular basis. What one person thinks is funny another will think is not. What one person thinks is correct another will not. What one person thinks is insulting another will not. Adding all the personality types and anonymity into the equation is a formula for misunderstandings to total distaste and hatred. The real question is why does it happen? And the answer is simple. It’s the same answer why marriages fail, friendships fail and points are awarded here. “Selfishness!” I have fallen victim to this trait several times myself. Always defending my actions by stating that it just gets old having some one seek you out and ridicule you for no reason what so ever. But here is the good news. We all have an “I’m Sorry Button”. Some of use choose never to use it while others access it like the well oiled closed thread button possessed by some of our valued mods!

So in the true holiday spirit, let me be the first to apologize to ANY ONE I have offended this year! Feel free to PM me so I can make it even more personal if you wish! And thank you to all the unbiased mods who do the best they can to maintain order in this fun place we all know as ECCIE!

Happy Holidays

SL

SL Disclaimer: My piss you off button is in the off mode. I am voicing my personal opinion and am not speaking for any one but myself nor am I telling anyone what they should do, or what they might choose is wrong!

[sketchball82]

Originally Posted by Still Looking

Being rude and disrespectful is up for interpretation on a regular basis. What one person thinks is funny another will think is not. What one person thinks is correct another will not. What one person thinks is insulting another will not. Adding all the personality types and anonymity into the equation is a formula for misunderstandings to total distaste and hatred. The real question is why does it happen? And the answer is simple. It’s the same answer why marriages fail, friendships fail and points are awarded here. “Selfishness!” I have fallen victim to this trait several times myself. Always defending my actions by stating that it just gets old having some one seek you out and ridicule you for no reason what so ever. But here is the good news. We all have an “I’m Sorry Button”. Some of use choose never to use it while others access it like the well oiled closed thread button processed by some of our valued mods!

So in the true holiday spirit, let me be the first to apologize to ANY ONE I have offended this year! Feel free to PM me so I can make it even more personal if you wish! And thank you to all the unbiased mods who do the best they can to maintain order in this fun place we all know as ECCIE!

Happy Holidays

SL

SL Disclaimer: My piss you off button is in the off mode. I am voicing my personal opinion and am not speaking for any one but myself nor am I telling anyone what they should do, or what they might choose is wrong!

As always, the I've heard the voice of reason.

[Still Looking]

Originally Posted by sketchball82

As always, the I've heard the voice of reason.

And newbs get the worst of it some times! Never been a fan of giving under class men crap. Nobody was dumber than I was when I started out! So all you newbs out there, pound em, review em and I got a thumbs up waiting for ya!

Ok Sketch, time to get that first notch in your head board! Let's get er done!

[Mature Companion]

TRUE! One can disagree without the name calling and being attacked, time and again, for their differing opinion. I've stated this many times.
Yet it's been allowed to take place in this forum many times over.
I've been on the brunt end of name calling and personal attacks by a member here, whom I've finally had to ask the staff to have him leave me alone. Because I was tired of it. Thank goodness he's finally behaving himself.
Women deserve better. Regardless if some men don't like who they are or what they have to say (esp when they've not ever conversed with nor met said woman/en).
Now I just avoid said posters lame threads/posts as they don't appeal to me in a manner that would warrant my inputting my opinion.


If everyone agreed with everything others put forth. It would make for a boring world we live in. Life is about being different. And that goes for our views & opinions. Discuss them as adults. Stand firm, yet still respectful w/o resorting to name calling and personal attacks.
And you then might actually find yourself in more agreement with the person, than you realize.

Originally Posted by chipper

It seems like two or three times a week I get someone complaing that another member was rude to them. As I look back at my PM's most of the points that I have given have been for rudeness. I can't think of any good reason to be rude to another member. In fact the first five forum guidelines talk about that.

You can disagree without calling names and you don't have to reply to everything you disagree with. If you don't want to see a Lady don't see her. I don't need to hear why you made the decision. If you don't like the Ladies looks don't call her and after talking to her don't say You are too Old for me, or you are too big for me, or I am not attracted to you. There is just no reason for that. Why would you call her if you weren't attracted to her.

We are all members here and while we aren't friends there should be some sort of bond that makes us want to be nice. My parents always told me that if I couldn't say something nice not to say anything. They all talked aobut the Golden Rule which translates to : Treat others the way you want to be treated. This includes both the guys and the Ladies.

I think that respect for your fellow members, especially the ones you hope to meet BCD is just as important as hygiene and discretion. I am here to find Ladies that I find attractive and get better acquainted with them. I would hate for someone to run them away by being rude and crass.

On another point. When I give points it will not help you to discuss how many legal parents I have or what my IQ is or how much of a little man complex I have. We don't make the rules but we are charged to try to enforce them and to keep this big boat on the proper course.

Lets all play nice or go home.