Married hobbyists- how do you fund your adventures on the sly?

[roaringfork]

Originally Posted by Iron Butterfly

I don't have a wife or SO, but a good way to gather cash. If you do home improvement you can buy stuff at HD and return it for cash. I did this with a business for a while, it works great becouse I can write it of as an exspence. Buy a $300 tool, return it a couple of days later for cash. You can also just over buy materials and at the end of the month return it all for cash, one time I hade $800 in return bounty.

IB

Oh, so you're that guy.

Strangely, the knowledge that a thousand other dudes have been with the provider I'm fucking bothers me a lot less than the suspicion that just one other man has had his hands on my Milwaukee ratchet.

[Iron Butterfly]

Originally Posted by roaringfork

Oh, so you're that guy.

Strangely, the knowledge that a thousand other dudes have been with the provider I'm fucking bothers me a lot less than the suspicion that just one other man has had his hands on my Milwaukee ratchet.

1/2 the shit in HD is used anyway

IB

[horekneepup]

Originally Posted by Lena Duvall

I suppose if ethical non-monogamy were more of an accepted cultural practice, this conversation would be moot. But then again, how many dudes who engage in sexual relationships with someone who isn't their partner would even be okay if their wife also wanted to explore sexual relationships with other people?

In my case, if my wife was interested in sex at all, I wouldn't be here. I don't believe sex is even remotely in her mind. I'm not naive, I'm sure many will think "yeah buddy she is screwing around on you." But, after menopause she could care less and was never a sexual creature. I, on the other hand have never had my sexual desire button turned off. So, hobbying is the best option for me.

[horekneepup]

Sometimes if I go out with a group of buddies paying cash, I will charge it, and keep their cash. By the time the CC Bill comes the money is gone into my cash hobby account. Enough times has passed that if questioned I could say "oh I spent it here and there."

[SkyDriver]

Late to this party but pretty much agree with all of the above. I syphon off per diem with all my travel and it never affects the budget. Also married to the love of my life and best friend who has had no desire since menopause. We actually get along much better because I don't expect anything and she doesn't have to worry about not being in the mood. I used to get furious when turned down all the time. Now I just wait till in the neighborhood of an old favorite or new friend. I do have to get to know someone to see them however and am very low volume.

[D1&]

Hobby when I am on business trips. Spend less on the advance business trip money (hotel, meals, air, client expenses). If I go over, I fill business trip expenses account and justify. Sometime, I use my air miles for business trips and get reimburse for air tickets. I use my credit card points or hotel points to book a room and get reimburse. I can also count hobby expenses as entertainment expenses.
Oops, I forgot, I don't have wife anymore.

[kevcar]

Originally Posted by Rollensmoke

You can have a small amount of your paycheck go to a bank other then the one you use with your family accounts. Have paperless statements set up on the account and you also have your debit card go to your work address. Just one of the ways I have had it done before. Just remember as long as you don't have more money than it takes to make more then $10 in interest. You don't even have to report it on your taxes. Also make sure you hide the debit card from the wife.

I'm glad I read this far down on the thread! This is brilliant, and likely will be tried by moi! I am actually jealous that I didn't think about it on my own, so I'm going to pretend that I would have come up with it on my own sooner or later!

[rothers]

Careful... the 2nd deposit can show up on your paystubs. I was about to do exactly this, when we had an issue with my payroll and the wife and I scrutinized a paystub to confirm. It gave me chills as we pored over the entries.

How about cash cards? Prepaid visas, the kind of thing you can buy at the grocery store. Could I get one of those, and any time I'm buying groceries add $40 to it? The credit card statement would only show the total grocery bill, not the details. Can one get cash off those cards later? (for the record, my wife was a finance major so she handles all of our accounts; she has saved us a ton of money over the years, but it means she sees everything.... I've used only credit cards for years, not debit or cash, because we get points so any change there would be suspicious)

[RafaelH]

Pay cash for everything you reasonably can. That way you always have an excuse for needing to make ATM withdrawals. Stash a 20 every week, more if you've been traveling. Never use the debit card for things like lunch, coffee, little stuff at the hardware store, etc. It helps if you've been showing some concern about electronic privacy, this is the reason you're adverse to using debit cards.

If you're a regular debit card user you're going to have to slowly break the habit. Conveniently forget your debit card on occasion, forcing you to use cash, thus justifying more ATM withdrawals.

[trekker]

Originally Posted by Lena Duvall

I suppose if ethical non-monogamy were more of an accepted cultural practice, this conversation would be moot. But then again, how many dudes who engage in sexual relationships with someone who isn't their partner would even be okay if their wife also wanted to explore sexual relationships with other people?

I'm single, but almost every one of my married friends laments the death of his wife's libido coinciding with the conception of his firstborn and any sex thereafter is a deliberate attempt to have another child. If I get married, I'll make it clear that I regard refusing sex within the marriage an act of infidelity equal to having sex outside the marriage.

[Titanium]

late to reply, but here is mine

1. PRACTICE safety in hobbying. ALWAYS keep hobby life separate from personal life. Less risk to get caught. Use separate handle, separate e-mail, always logout from hobby websites, hobby e-mail, use browsers in privacy mode. Safety is a behavior, not only with condoms. Separate laptops\PC helps

2. Keep separate funds, so she can't miss what she doesn't know about. Always keep a his and hers fund separate from the "our" fund. same way she may want to blow some bucks on things she wants like girls night out, shoes and lipstick and clothes etc, same way you will want to blow some bucks on guy stuff, like shit for your car and escorts. There are tons of reasons to justify this. e.g. you want to buy her a surprise gift, and it wont be a surprise if she sees the missing $$$ from the "our" fund, so you have the "his" fund for that. You gotta make allowances for "her" fund that you can't really care what she spends it on.

3. Request No statements from the bank for "his" fund.

4. Use spare cash to top up the "his" fund, e.g. overtime funds, cash back,

5. prepaid hobby phone that is always on silent, not vibrate, hidden in a place that she has no access\interest. not a shoe box in the closet

[TeraDFW]

Originally Posted by trekker

I'm single, but almost every one of my married friends laments the death of his wife's libido coinciding with the conception of his firstborn and any sex thereafter is a deliberate attempt to have another child. If I get married, I'll make it clear that I regard refusing sex within the marriage an act of infidelity equal to having sex outside the marriage.

Ha, reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Katherine Hepburn: "If you want to sacrifice the adoration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
I think there are multiple reasons men (and women) have affairs that are more complex than just someone's lack of sexual interest. It sounds like your buddies married women who became mothers and forgot that they were wives and lovers first. It happens to dads too; changing life roles and balancing the identities associated with each can be difficult. I like your insight though and agree that withholding sex is just as painful and damaging as infidelity.

[atf searcher]

Originally Posted by bojulay

Uhmmmm......

My question is why do married guys ever post anything on this site,
where their SO could possibly link it back to their handle if they
ever happened to find it??

Like on this thread about the best way to cheat on your wife
with a prostitute

If their wives can't even read a bank statement or an electronic pay deposit how could they ever track an eccie handle. Ignorance truly is bliss.

[Karma Kelly]

Sometimes in a marriage ppl get comfortable with each other which makes them not try as hard to prove themselves to each other because you won and have that person so there's no more need to try and impress the person your with or married to. If you don't use it you lose it and that's why women going through menopause stop having sex because they stopped using the sex drive that they had and now because they stopped having sex in the first place they don't want to do it now! I'm a big believer in the "Don't use it you Lose it saying"! Good luck everyone and be good or good at it, I always am!!

[bizzly1001]

I pay for the hobby with side income that I simply don't tell her about. I also accept bitcoin for customers and that's been a real easy thing to hide. Turning bitcoin into cash is easy and never shows up on any bank statements. If she asks about how bitcoin's doing, I say, terrible. I'm losing my ass...