Boner Jammin'-Miss V's Fundamentals of Fellatio

[Miss Valentina]

Soliciting tips for a pamphlet to be distributed to weary housefraus, legal age co-eds, and newbie hookers.

Chapters may include:

How to Glow as you Blow- Waterproof makeup 101, and No, you cannot get a staph infection from having jizz in your eye

Flick that Frenulum- How to navigate your tongue around that swollen purple mushroom tip. Flick your Slick on that Prick.

It Ain't called the Cock n Balls for Nothing- It's a three piece set bitches. Don't forget the potatoes when you're dining on the meat. Techniques for gobblin' dem nutz.

Dining at the Brownie Factory- Chode worshiping, hot oil taint massage and the art of loving the Leather Cheerio aka The Devil's Onion Ring.

What's in your Talented Tongue Toolbox- Cock rings, tongue rings, prostate massagers, the Aneros, a fucking grapefruit ( video attached )how to use them to receive the volcanic eruption of Screamin' White Pearlies you want and deserve.
http://www.refinery29.com/2014/07/70...job-sex-advice

Killer Blow or Hummer by a Gummer: Why ladies without teeth are more valuable than Peruvian Flake. Never fear that your face looks as collapsed as a bamboo hut after the Thai tsunami, how you can use your lack of orthodontia to your advantage.

Any further contributions?

[Centaur]

A Bawdy Broadside for the Young Swain and Casanova Alike

1) Going Down to Mumphis: Eagerness is understandable, but patiently working your way down to the sanctum sanctorum helps to stimulate the nerves and muscles, establishing the leg (and thigh) work for your sexual safari.

2) Good Things Cum to Those Who Wait: Develop endurance and stamina with mental exercises designed to help you overcome exhaustion through the euphoria of hypoxyphilia and the sustaining nourishment of vaginal fluids.

3) Deep Breaths: Proper Ibuki breathing exercises will teach you to maximize your oxygen use for long deep free dives.

4) Master of All You Survey: Only through diligent cooperation of the tongue, index and middle fingers will you discover where the erogenous treasure is hidden. The vulva and vagina are akin to a Stradivarius, each one is a unique work of art. By rubbing the labia, clitoris and introitus in their distinctive medley of sensitivity you will learn how to elicit a concerto of moaning. Use one hand to probe while the other massages her buttocks.

5) Cruise, Don’t Bruise Your Muse: Use your hands like a sculptor. Control your strength. Channel the energy of your arousal into hers. Be gentle but firm.

6) Licketysplit: Taint hard to reach that bony bridge below the Bay of Biscay.

7) Hongi Down Under: Your nose is like a bonus pleasure bump. Make sure to lightly nuzzle the Cleft of Venus as your mouth does its magic. This would be an innapripriate time to sneeze, so be sure to keep those nose hairs trimmed...

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...?ie=UTF8&psc=1

...combined with proper skin care and moisturizing, that fine patrician proboscis will steer you right.



8) Don’t Be a Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den: Sex is not a tonal language. Your tongue shouldn’t have to do all the work alone. Work those labia majora with your labia oris and you have prehensile lips in no time. Hum a little Benedictine chant while you work. Multitasking baby!

9) Her Hand Goes Here, Longhair: If she seems reluctant to take the initiative, feel at liberty to place her hand or hands on your luxuriant locks and apply light pressure until she gets the idea and steers you where she wants you, ideally with a bit of loving mane discipline.

10) The Rhythm of Love: Gradually, if you’re studious, you will begin to find her rhythm. Her pleasure will crescendo as you steadily stroke the golden ratio, slowly swelling until she spasms and her adductor magnus muscles reflexively lock as her hand pushes you away. At this point she is so sensitive that she literally cannot stand any more pleasure. Lay back and watch the little death break over her in unbearable waves. If you need steady yourself, it’s usually safe to hold onto one ass cheek while you bask in a job well done!!!

[JennsLolli]

I like to do that thing where I try to shove it all in my mouth. And I kind of like the whole running makeup look.

BUT! This little trick upped my game once upon a time. I tell people I look cutest on my knees and people are all "yeah yeah" but seriously. Knees.

[Miss Valentina]

Wow Centaur, I'm Smizing all over the place. Actually had to grip the table lest I uproariously collapse in a laugh induced seizure from your writing.