Electric Fence

[Thamons]

Meant for a good laugh.... Enjoy

Installing an Electric Fence

Thought y'all should read this in case you're thinking of installing an Electric fence! We have the standard 6ft. Fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a Single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest Cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The Ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the Better the fence works. One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart 6hp bigwheel Push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew For a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and Reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I Hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand And the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other hand. Keep in mind the Charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down Cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls Trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled Downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my Head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were Fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and come at the same time. I beg to Differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 Different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel Movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in Between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses From a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the Fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let Go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... But Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long Ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex River bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and Take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a Loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God, please Die... Pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam Idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor Waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot. So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, Standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that Day... He left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own Stupidity had created...

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.... I woke up Laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was Later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead Grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were The wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I Finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let Go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a Few things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad As you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long

8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

[JRLawrence]

There is one good thing about all of this experience.

You did not take a leak on an electric fence that you thought wasn't hot. I saw a guy do this once, we had to carry him out of the back pasture.

JR

[Cheaper2buyit]

Funny stuff

[JRLawrence]

Originally Posted by Cheaper2buyit

Funny stuff

The shock went into his bladder, up to his entire lower body. We had to drive him home. He was in pain for a week. Many years later I told this story to a bunch of our friends from when we were 16.

His response was:

"Yea, the shock stunted it's growth."

JR

[6ULDV8]

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

Couple years ago I attempted to roll under an electric fence but that little metal button on the top of my ball cap touched and POW

What a fuc n hoot! Thank's dude. Brings back memories.

[Cheaper2buyit]

One of the ladies should donate 2hours so you can do it again while i video tape it for youtube

[Thequeen]

When I was young prob 8 I had 2 stupid boy cousin's who told me to touch a electric fence and said oh it wont hurt.... Silly me trying to be the cool girl cousin fell for hit. Shocked the hell out of me. Of course all they did was laugh and ran off....

[cynic]

we had a mean old bastard down the road that had an electric fence in his back yard to keep coyotes out (back yard faced a HUGE empty field). We used to get new kids to run around with us, and invariably, one of us would have to take a leak just about the time we got to this particular fence. Knowing it was electric, the rest of us would pee down around our shoes. Unsuspecting newbie would always seem to end up peeing on the fence. Apparently, electricity runs up urine and grabs you like its never gonna let go. Since the mean bastard didn't have a lot of juice running to the fence, it never did major damage, just held the kid until he was dry.

[Thamons]

I found this was was able to relate to it. Coming from my experience with electricity, (and I have a lot) and being shocked almost on a weekly basis, electricity is something not to mess with. Majority of my calls have been from people who have been shocked by something little and it scared the hell out of them.

[BigMikeinKC]

You know you can control the voltage on those things. Back on the farm, once the cattle got use to them, we just turned them off. They saw the wire and stayed away.

[Stone_fly]

That is good stuff. Laughed so hard I cried. Brings back some good farm memories.