Civilians UUUUGGGH ! - Why don’t they “get” it !

[Guest122922]

Trying to create new friendships outside the hobby or living in the RW … is … well, a challenge to put it lightly.

If you have a life outside the hobby – then you are always dodging bullets, you have to get creative in manipulation (as in lying about your occupation/hobby – and pretending it doesn’t exist).

The few civilian friends I DID confide in …. They wound up stabbing me in the back.
OOOHH … yes, they were all so interested to hear of my exciting adventures with wide eyes and over many glasses of wine (I obviously mistook as quality girl time).

This went on for years, but in the end … they screwed me in a whole new way (and some had been friends for more than 10yrs).
I DO believe a couple of gals got jealous (because they only HOPED they had such an awesome sex life) and decided to take revenge.
Totally sucked.

Well, I survived all that and have less friends now, which actually I’m happy because I know WHO to confide in and WHO to lie to.

But still – I just wish the RW people would get over themselves and say …. "Do what you want … as long as you are happy ;-)"
Maybe they think I’m going to hit on their husbands or something? ... So ignorant.

Also - It was almost like I had the trump card ... and they had to scramble to get a good hand. They played their "MORAL" card .. which made them feel all so much higher.

It’s a bit different for the Johns … although they have a lot to hide to protect their RW as well.

I’m guessing this is a good chance to learn from others in the Hobby how you handle your RW life and Hobby life.

Gals
• do you deal with civilians who you know are curious but never inquisitive ?
• DO YOU ever confide with civilians about your occupation on the board?
• Do you try to creative new friendships outside the hobby …. and how you go about it?

Guys
• How much work does it take to hide your hobby activites?
• Ever feel guilt ?
• Ever wish you could hobby more?
• Stressed because of the constant suspicion ?

I know I am not crazy when, in the many times …. I have defended this hobby activity.
There are so many miserable marriages out there and folks who live and work in a depressed state.
What one night with a provider would give them! Joy! Joy! Joy!

NOW – it is always apparent those who are in the hobby and don’t really care or have the cognizant abilities to appreciate one to the other.
Some providers who haven’t (and may never) grow their own self-respect and will F**ck anything to make a buck. Even the dudes that talk them down.
Or ...those johns who just want to get a nut off and are looking for a 30min BJ from ANY girl that accepts.
Perhaps this thread is really NOT meant for them. We shall see.

[Brandofan]

Its in some people's nature to tear others down to make themselves feel better. Sorry you had to go through that.

I know its not the same but you have friends who love you right here! Do what you want … as long as you are happy ;-)

[grean]

Originally Posted by Brandofan

Its in some people's nature to tear others down to make themselves feel better. Sorry you had to go through that.

I know its not the same but you have friends who love you right here! Do what you want … as long as you are happy ;-)

Exactly.....

You may have to go through a few, but I'm sure there are fellows and ladies here that would hang out OTC if you're just looking for a dinner companion for some convo. I guess you just need to set bounderies and expectations up front.

[Guest122922]

aaawwwhhh ... thanks buddies !

I needed that

[hardroad69]

It may sound funny but my experience is just opposite. Civics and family are the users and hobby dates and friends are the most loyal. I have met many providers that I would like to hang out with but I understand that they have boundaries.

[Iaintliein]

1. Not much even ten years ago when I hobbied almost weekly.
2. Never.
3. Less so all the time, things are better at home and more expensive here.
4. Nope, when it gets to be stressful it's time to quit. Doing photo shoots got to be stressful with all the work in setting up, tearing down etc. Even so, when the wife found a disc of photos (shot at an incall instead of home thankfully) it was easily explained as a photo club shoot.

Sorry for your trouble with friends, let's face it, most young women who think it's alright. . . are already here.

There are plenty of judgmental folks inside and outside the hobby, but somewhere there are folks you'll see eye to eye with, just keep looking.

[dallaswill]

100% would love to hang with you in RW.
Sorry you had those troubles with "friends".
I never had those problems: never been married, no kids, don't confide in anyone.

In the future only reveal what cannot come back to bite you.
If anyone is overly interested in your personal biz ask yourself why their interest.
I think most ppl are incapable of keeping secrets.
Even if it is years later will they reveal something they forgot is supposed to be a secret?

Get yourself a better cover story and job title, suggestions:
Life Coach
Lifestyle Consultant
Behavior Enhancement Specialist
Ethics Consultant

Then get some business cards printed to make it more legit. Put your name, phone, and "By Appointment Only"

Tell the nosey ones you cater to Senior Level Exceutives and charge $$$$/hr or whatever and most people will know they can't afford you and leave you alone.
If they press more tell them all your work is strictly confidential due to legal restrictions. And say "I'm sure you will understand."

If they don't understand and still press, get away from them asap.

Best of luck!

[BossyWillson]

a better cover story and job title

Head Hunter

[pyramider]

Torre,

Just embrace your taint and you will find the internal peace you are seeking.

[TheEccie214]

Just sayin - At some point if you can't get along with anyone maybe there's a common denominator and the problem is you.

[Vivienne Rey]

Originally Posted by Torre Tames

Gals
• do you deal with civilians who you know are curious but never inquisitive ?
• DO YOU ever confide with civilians about your occupation on the board?
• Do you try to creative new friendships outside the hobby …. and how you go about it?

I say nothing. I have a real job and a lot to lose, so I keep this as far away from my vanilla life as possible. As such, I don't have any trouble making new friends because they don't know. Let's face it, it's not a respectable job. And someone who has just met me has no reason to think beyond that tidbit of info. If I decide to share, it would be after demonstrating my totality as a person and that takes time and trust. But, I likely wouldn't tell them at all. Right now, no one who is still in my circle of trust knows about this.

Do you feel you have to confide? Or that you owe anyone this information?

I know I am not crazy when, in the many times …. I have defended this hobby activity. There are so many miserable marriages out there and folks who live and work in a depressed state. What one night with a provider would give them! Joy! Joy! Joy!

In my 20's, and under heavy religious influence, I defended the hobby merely because I was in it, to deflect shame. Now, it's just outrageously arrogant to me that anyone would presume to tell me what to do with my body. I've also concluded that "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life," is the very reason we have a job. But that's a whole other discussion.

Some providers who haven’t (and may never) grow their own self-respect and will F**ck anything to make a buck. Even the dudes that talk them down.

I think the opinion of providers has always been that when you're getting paid, you don't have to or get to like your clients. Maybe they've subscribed to that. Or, perhaps, their situations are such that they can't afford to be selective. Either way, it's really unfortunate. I'd love to see them prosper.

[mtabsw]

Originally Posted by TheEccie214

Just sayin - At some point if you can't get along with anyone maybe there's a common denominator and the problem is you.

Well put - but I'd add the cliche -

If the first person you meet in the day is an asshole, you've just met an asshole. But if everyone you meet all day is an asshole, YOU are the asshole.

To answer the OPs question - I take the usual precautions of VPN, hobby-only phone, email etc.

I NEVER share the hobby with anyone outside the hobby. Zero possible gain, huge possible loss. Exception being my spouse, who isn't thrilled about it, but she knows I need the outlet.

[PeterBota]

Villainess cognizant ughhh

[TheWanderer]

Guys
• How much work does it take to hide your hobby activities? It takes a little, have to be careful about what you say and resist the urge to brag or share stories without too much detail. I'm single so it's easier. Married guys have to cover every track and can never afford to be careless.

• Ever feel guilt ? No not really, not for myself because I am nice and generous to the ladies who treat me well and put forth the effort. I do sometimes feel like I have enabled a few girls to stay in the hobby because I saw them when they needed money. As weird as that sounds, me seeing them kept them going and if I had not, they may have thrown in the towel.I have sometimes felt a little guilty for pushing a lady into meeting my darkest carnal desires.

• Ever wish you could hobby more? No, I hobby as needed. Too much of anything is bad and too much takes the excitement out of it.

• Stressed because of the constant suspicion ?
Not in my case but I imagine many married guys are because they have to answer to someone and worry about what they say in their sleep and who may be following them.

For me even in the real world, I do not share my hobby experiences with regular civilians. I did when I was younger but that was foolish and in some cases it backfired and was used against me. No one "outed" me because they knew I would seek harsh revenge, but I think I lost a degree of respect from them. Going forward, I do not share. There are many people who will lose respect for you, usually only the Holy Rollers. They tend to judge others pretty quickly (which of course goes against their religion) but they are only human too.

[Jules Jaguar]

I got outted in November, the eccie page posted in a fb group with over 30,000 people in Dallas. Sent to the job my apartment complex the whole 9, best thing that happened to me!!! Didn't lose a single "friend"...

I did lose a job I really loved and worked hard as hell to get really had changed my life around and was living a whole new life then bam it was taken away. Guess it wasn't the right time for me.

Best part is I don't have to hide my life from certain people anymore I can just be who I am and screw em if they don't like it.