Weekend Humor

[darter]

Don't know that I agree with the title, but thought they were pretty funny...
Top Four Adult Jokes

Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
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Third Place :
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
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Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
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Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

Have a great weekend all!!

[Likinikki]

Haha, good jokes...thanks for the giggles, really needed it!

[Marcus78]

LOL The last one about the old couple is probably my ATF joke!!! I've seen these all before, but it's been years. Thanks for the laugh. Here's one of my favorites involving geriatrics and football. What could be better?

Bed Football

A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score. " After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he shits in the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."

[MsPrittiKitti]

ewwwwww lol

[darter]

Originally Posted by Likinikki

Haha, good jokes...thanks for the giggles, really needed it!

Well Nikki, since you are one of my favotirte people in the world, I'm glad you were able to get a giggle out of it!

Yeah Marcus I dredge up these old ones from time to time just to give the youngsters a look in case they hadn't seen them. I forgot about the one you posted, that's a great one as well! Thanks!

[Likinikki]

OMG, Marcus! Hate to see what happens in OT! (lol)