SHAKE DOWN--REAL LIFE, NOT HOBBY

[txirishman]

Good morning All--and a Merry Christmas to each of you. I have a real life situation and was wondering if I could get some opinions. First two pieces of info. This "shakedown" doesn't involve me-but a married friend of mine [I'm divorced.] Second-it's "real life"--not hobby. But it may prove interesting reading, and you might have an opinion/experience in dealing with something like that. So without further ado...

About 18 months ago, married friend HARRY decides he wants to have an affair. He runs an ad on CL-and gets several real responses. [I know-already seems far fetched!] Meets one particular lady, likes her look, and they hit it off. Over the next 18 months-they get together maybe 6 times, largely due to his business schedule and family matters. They stay in contact via email, text, and cell phone. In the past month-Harry has made several dates to get together with her--for which she has cleared her schedule. As you might suspect, he's started treating her like a mistress during holiday season--and she's repeatedly gotten blown off and subsequently frustrated. A few nights ago-after planning to meet with her again, at her condo in Addison--he was again called away, within minutes of getting through the door.

Yesterday, he checks his email and finds a long letter from her. She's pissed. She's finished. She's leaving the area and moving to Austin. She needs moving expenses of about $10K-to move, as she hadn't really planned on moving. [The $10K would cause some discomfort but not a huge amount to Harry.] Her inference is that she has a "technology package" she'd be willing to sell him-that includes this awesome cell phone with the incredible ability to save and retain text messages and pictures. She also has this exclusive email address that has somehow managed to save and retain months of emails, pics, and chat IMS. She thought Harry would like the chance to buy it--as she only has one other potential person that might be interested in the package.

OK--clearly--either the cell phone [with texts and a few pics] or the emails would sink Harry if they got into the wrong hands. He has no desire or intention to end his marriage [though that would be debatable given his choice to play]. He has pre-teen children, and shares a home and business with his wife-so a divorce would no doubt be a financial train wreck for him. And just as clearly-the only other party that might be interested in the "technology package" is Harry's wife.

What should Harry do? As dirty as it seems--and as much as my initial gut said "blackmail/extortion"--I don't know that it rises to that level given the exacting nature of her offer. Also-even if it were, Harry couldn't easily expect to go to the police [or anyone] with an accusation-since everything would inevitably come out and be discovered/disclosed. Should he pay? What should he get from her to make sure she doesn't come back for more?

It's true. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned--and he messed with the wrong one. I told him he should have bought his relationship an hour at a time--but he didn't listen.

Glad to have any opinions or thoughts--male or female. God bless all--have a great holiday and safe 2011.

[TheBizzer]

Was "Harry" stupid enough to send emails from his primary email address, or text/call from his primary phone?

I'd suggest Harry see an attorney and find out what his options are. Paying for silence is a slippery slope, as you are basically only paying for a lease, and a non legally binding one at that.

[Lana Warren]

What a Bitch! Can't believe ANY woman would ever do that to man especially since she knew he was married to begin with! Hell NO, he shouldn't pay! I have no legal background and I hope one of our fine attorneys chime in, but I would assume that this is extortion and should be handled legally! What is sad is that his wife and family will most likely find out and let's just hope that they will be able to mend their marriage! A few years ago, I had an affair with a married man (I was married myself) and it never crossed my mind to be vindictive because it ended! What was I going to gain? Absolutely nothing! AGAIN, this is what you get when you search CL! What a shame!

[GDLMAN]

I have had the same situation. Have him see an attorney. Tell him to tell her that he may loose his marriage but she will be looking at hard time. Thats a felony in the state of Texas.

[txirishman]

Yes-he was stupid enough to use his primary (only) cell phone. No-he didn't use his primary email but has said enough in it-including why he doesn't use his primary email--that it would be damning.

Seeing an attorney was my first suggestion-but his response was "the fewer people that know the better." Scared to death about wife finding out, losing kids, destroying business, losing his ass when the house sells for pennies on the dollar (etc.)

I'm betting this is a lot more common than anyone would bet. And I suppose even if the attorney DOES put the fear of God in her--she might let it simmer a few months and then just anonymously drop it in the mailbox!

[lisa.lisa0302]

Harry is screwed. But Harry should not pay her a damn dime. He might as well keep the money and save it for a good family lawyer, just in cases she blabs. He could easily pay her and she would still blab. No need paying out money twice.

Harry should have did what you suggested, paid for it an hour at a time.

[Guest050613-02]

Originally Posted by GDLMAN

I have had the same situation. Have him see an attorney. Tell him to tell her that he may loose his marriage but she will be looking at hard time. Thats a felony in the state of Texas.

+1

Something similar happened to me on a sugar baby site several years ago.

I had an attorney friend explain to the woman that my wife would eventually forgive me, but that the woman would still be in prison for the felony she was perpetrating.

Lesson learned & hobby phone procured. Have a hobby persona & never reveal personal info. Keep texts/emails vague. Never refer to wife or business by name, only by initials. Re-read every communication before sending with the thought: can this sink my battleship?

[mtabsw]

I would advise your friend to see the lawyer. And include his wife. The longer he trys to keep everything hidden the worse it will be IMHO.

Paying should not be sn option. There will be no end. My guess is this was the game from the beginning and bot the scorned mistress ploy.

[GDLMAN]

I am sure Harry is well aware he made a mistake so throw the rear view mirror away. If Harry is well heeled enough he might want to take a chance and pay the bitch the 10K and see if she goes away. There is a chance she will. In my case the mistake I made was to buy her a computer and leave the receipt in the bag the computer was in. Thats how she got my last name. Anyway...I have been down the exact same path our misfortunate friend is going down. A divorce is hugely costly not to mention the devestaton to his kids and family. I would pay the 10K and see an attorney for the next step if she doesnt leave him alone. If she is unbalanced enough to threaten she just might go through with her threat. What I did was pay and made it clear to the bitch I would make her my hobby to fuck with if she went through with her threat. Make sure she understands this is it and the next step is to the police. He has no choice at that point because it is not going to end until he does.

[txirishman]

Great "hind sight advice"--most of which I've suggested. Hell--use a "hobby phone" even if it's NOT hobby related! DUH!

That said-he's leaning towards paying--but didn't know what to "require" to ensure he's protected. I mean-if she gives him the cell phone with texts and pics still onit--he can run over the phone and be certain it's gone. The emails are another matter entirely.

The other reason he's leaning that direction is her intention to move. If out of the area and moving on with her life-they will be out of one another's focus I guess. I think in his mind, he's reconciled it to be "severance" for a dumb ass relationship he never should have been in.

[txirishman]

MTABSW--not taking her side for damn sure, but if THIS was the game all along.. 18 months is a LONG time to stay invested, and $10K is nearly too little to make it worth a person's while. I think the combination of her having an "empty nest" and losing her job--combined with Harry angering/frustrating her--makes her move to Austin the most attractive option for her.

[GDLMAN]

DO NOT INVOLVE HIS WIFE.

[GDLMAN]

There is nothing that is going to ensure she will go away. Having a criminal and a liar sign a document...what good is that? Fear of her going to jail is the only thing that is going to make this bitch go away. I would probably take a chance and pay the 10K to see if she goes away. Mine did and I paid more than that.

[Guest050613-02]

I say do not pay as she has him by short & curlies no matter what. And the next time she needs $10K, guess who is getting a phone call? But if paying is the path he has chosen, he needs to make sure she has more to lose by informing wife than he does:

Draw up a legally binding contract. Meet at lawyers office to sign contract. Contract spells out details of extortion, what $10K is buying, spells out that she is aware this is a felony including the prison consequences, & institutes gag order on her & anyone else. Have her sign with notary witness.

[GDLMAN]

Sign a contract??? So he can sue her and get what?