How do you feel about having an affair?

[Zabrina Sarafina]

It is wedding season (for me as a photographer) and I am in the mood to talk about the philosophy behind marriage, commitment & vows, and ...affairs :-) I admit it makes me innately laugh & ridicule when I get contacted to ...help capture the 'coupling of two souls' because more often times than less I can sort of 'see' how long it will probably last *ahem* not forever. Yet at the same time I am always deeply humbled to be bestowed such a sacred opportunity ...to play a role, any role in such a devoted short-lived "fairy tale romance"

"When people get married because they think it's a long-time love affair, they'll be divorced very soon, because all love affairs end in disappointment. But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity." - Joseph Campbell

Though I agree with the first part, I'm not really sure what the second half means. But I will say it seems most of the younger generation nowadays gets married too quickly, during what I call the "honeymoon phase." Before even knowing the whole extent of each other. But how long does it take to get to fully know each other..?

A lifetime.

Sharing lives together is itself 'marriage'. However, it also allows the freedom to let either partner 'go' if they naturally grow out of each other ...which brings me to the point

The whole point of life is to grow, expand, try new things

When you're not growing, you're dying.

I believe it's the church ....it's always the (insert cuss word) church!! They're the ones who are the 'timekeepers' ...and insist on being part of our very personal very intimate personally personal lives

Contract

WHAAAT?!! in the HOLY (insert same cuss word) does a contract, filing out paperwork, registering it with the .... (try a different cuss word) gov't have AAAAnything to do with

Marriage

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To continue...

I'm interested in knowing what compelled you to want, to desire, crave a new intimate partner outside of your significant other?

And was there ever any sort of 'contract agreement' that you both could not, were not,
in other words

STRICTLY PROHIBITED

to see other people

Was it written somewhere on a piece of tree?

I. just. don't get it

Absolutely f'hilarious

[Zabrina Sarafina]

Ironically enough, I was just planning to visit a Roman Catholic church here this Sunday to get some excellent shots of the angels, artwork and whatnot holy. In fact, I strongly feel it is about time for me to go submit myself for a confession - get some things off my chest. I will confess everything I feel that I wrote above. And more. Much more

[Danielle Reid]

What was the question?

[Guest121613]

Lots to ponder in Zabrina's post, but core question, wrapped in philosophical contexts, appears to be

Originally Posted by Zabrina Sarafina

It is wedding season

I'm interested in knowing what compelled you to want, to desire, crave a new intimate partner outside of your significant other?

[speeedracer]

Originally Posted by Zabrina Sarafina

Sharing lives together is itself 'marriage'. However, it also allows the freedom to let either partner 'go' if they naturally grow out of each other ...which brings me to the point

The whole point of life is to grow, expand, try new things

When you're not growing, you're dying.

yeah, but the whole point of marriage isn't that you don't 'grow and expand', or even that you have the freedom to 'naturally grow out of each other'. it's about the dedication and responsibility to grow together. in this disposable and materialistic society, even what's supposed to be most sacred is treated with this kind of almost careless indifference, to the extent that even before entering in union, there are often plans of it ending in the future.

the most successful marriages are those where both partners are committed to making everything work, fix every problem, to rely on only each other as a true partner in life, and agree that separation isn't a true option.

[hensley]

Never. Nothing takes the place of a good whore.

[Danielle Reid]

Originally Posted by lostforkate

Lots to ponder in Zabrina's post, but core question, wrapped in philosophical contexts, appears to be

Thanks for clearing that up...

I know this is more aimed at the men, but since I'm getting married in a few weeks I figure I could put some insight in it as well. My fiance use to be a part-time hobbyist. That's not how we met at all though and honestly I didn't become a full-time provider until after he quit his job a few months ago.

Anyway, for him it's a reminder of what he already has (so he says). He'll go out and spend his money on some chick, sleeps with her and realizes "damn, I have way better at home". He's weird like that.

For me, it's a job. I meet a lot of sweet guys and I meet a lot of creeps. Either way it will only be a job. I'm not going to get so caught up in the lust that I lose myself in it. Right now I'm covering the bills until he gets deployed and the checks start coming in. And after he's deployed I'll still be a full-time provider.

Bottom line, sex is sex.

okay I probably didn't answer the question at all...

[dreamvacationdates]

Originally Posted by hensley

Never. Nothing takes the place of a good whore.

When you're sick and in hospital, see who will come and sit by your bedside

Yes a good whore does have her place
but the love of a good woman is alot better when the going gets tough.

[dreamvacationdates]

Originally Posted by MaryBeth

Thanks for clearing that up...

I know this is more aimed at the men, but since I'm getting married in a few weeks I figure I could put some insight in it as well. My fiance use to be a part-time hobbyist. That's not how we met at all though and honestly I didn't become a full-time provider until after he quit his job a few months ago.

Anyway, for him it's a reminder of what he already has (so he says). He'll go out and spend his money on some chick, sleeps with her and realizes "damn, I have way better at home". He's weird like that.

For me, it's a job. I meet a lot of sweet guys and I meet a lot of creeps. Either way it will only be a job. I'm not going to get so caught up in the lust that I lose myself in it. Right now I'm covering the bills until he gets deployed and the checks start coming in. And after he's deployed I'll still be a full-time provider.

Bottom line, sex is sex.

okay I probably didn't answer the question at all...

You used the word deployed, so usually mean military or military contractor, i'm hoping you're not working around the installation or having them as clients, the worst thing for someone deployed somewhere is to be sitting around shooting the shit and people start talking about sex, and whores, aint no one going to call you a provider in the field, and you realized the one they're talking about is your girl, and god help him if they find out who she is to him, they'll have no respect if they figure out he's ok with it, or feel sorry for him.

[Satsuma957]

there was a wedding

Sacred married Profane

and the music played on

[Cpalmson]

I think you have to differentiate an affair with hobbying. An affair (which doesn't have to be physical in nature) is much more of an emotional attachment to one who is not your SO. It is like dating someone else, caring for some else, spending time with someone else while still married to another person. I think it is the worse type of cheating. On the other hand, playing the hobby game is all about the physical. For the most part, there are no permanent emotional ties developed. It is just about the sex. When it is over, it is over. The provider has no feelings for the client, and the same holds true for the hobbyist. While I would never purposefully go looking for an affair, seeking out a provider is an altogether different story.

[pyramider]

Some feel the need to tickle taint elsewhere, even when there is a perfectly good taint at home. Cheating is cheating.

[Vivienne Rey]

Another female perspective here. I have acquired a great deal of enlightenment in this area in my experience as an SB. Most of the men I encountered in my search went outside of their marriages because they lost the connection with their wives. That's not to say that some of them weren't full of it. But I think that disconnect is more common than most people are willing to accept. It's far easier to vilify these men than it is to concede that, in most cases, it takes two to create that environment.

Originally Posted by speeedracer

yeah, but the whole point of marriage isn't that you don't 'grow and expand', or even that you have the freedom to 'naturally grow out of each other'. it's about the dedication and responsibility to grow together. in this disposable and materialistic society, even what's supposed to be most sacred is treated with this kind of almost careless indifference, to the extent that even before entering in union, there are often plans of it ending in the future.

the most successful marriages are those where both partners are committed to making everything work, fix every problem, to rely on only each other as a true partner in life, and agree that separation isn't a true option.

I agree with this, wholeheartedly.

[Jewish Lawyer]

I have a great wife, but I just like to have sex with other pretty women. If I were married to the prettiest woman in the world, I'd still want to have sex with other women. Just can't help myself. There is nothing a woman could do to stop me, no matter what after several years, I just need something new and shiny.
Zabrina - are you really the woman in the picture?

[JohnnyYanks]

Originally Posted by Satsuma957

there was a wedding

Sacred married Profane

and the music played on

Beautifully said. Thank you.