Orangutan retrieval

[LNK]

A city zoo receives a star attraction, a male orangutan named Charlie. They have a large enclosure for him, with lots of stuff for him to jump and climb around on, and he keeps people entertained every day for a month.

Then one day, the zoo director arrives at work to find the guy who normally feeds and cares for Charlie in a terrible state. "What's the matter?" he asks.

"Charlie's gone! I saw him running through the parking lot a minute ago!"

"Well, we've got to find him."

So they take off in a car, and follow Charlie to a big park not far from the zoo.

When they get there, they watch him climb a big tree in the middle of the park. The zoo director and Charlie's handler are trying to figure out how to get him out of the tree, and back to the zoo. As they're discussing options, a guy walks by and overhears them. He says, "Why don't you look in the yellow pages?"

The zoo director and Charlie's handler blow him off, but they can't come up with anything. The branches are too thick to use a dart gun, so that won't work. They decide to wait him out.

Two days later, the zoo director is in danger of losing his job, because the star attraction is not at the zoo, but up a tree in a park. So he says to the handler, "Why don't you take a look in the yellow pages. What can it hurt?"

Soon, the handler comes back with the yellow pages, and, stunned, shows the zoo director an ad under the heading 'Monkey Retrieval'. "Al's Monkey Business - All primates captured, caged and returned to their homes"

Only half believing it, the zoo director calls and explains their predicament, and Al says he'll be right out.

Soon Al drives up in a bright yellow van with "Al's Monkey Business" stenciled on the side, and gets out to survey the situation.

After looking it over, he says to the zoo director and handler, "No problem, this should be pretty routine. Just let me get my gear, and I'll need a little assistance from you fellows."

He opens the back of the van, and unloads a baseball bat, a pair of handcuffs, a 12 gauge shotgun, and a medium sized but wiry dog.

He hands the zoo director the handcuffs, and the 12-ga goes to the handler.

The zoo director says, "Wait a minute, we can't be using a shotgun, Charlie's our star attraction! If we shoot him, we'd all better find a new town."

Al says, "No, no. Don't worry, we're not going to be shooting Charlie. Let me explain my method to you."

The zoo director looks a bit unsure, but agrees to listen.

"First, you guys are going to wait under the tree with the shotgun, handcuffs, and my well-trained dog. I'm going to go up the tree with the baseball bat. When I get up near Charlie, I'm going to knock him out of the tree with the bat."

"When he hits the ground, the well-trained dog is going to grab on to his testicles, and will not let go. When Charlie reaches with his hands to protect his nuts, you rush in with the handcuffs and slap them on, then we'll have him, and we can go home."

"What about the shotgun?" asks the handler.

"Well, this is going to be an easy one, so we probably won't need it" says Al.

"But what's it for?" says the zoo director.

"Let me assure you, I've never needed it before, and this looks to be a routine retrieval, so I really doubt we'll need it this time. But, if by any chance Charlie should knock me out of the tree, shoot the dog."

[Selena Romano]

Thanks for sharing I needed that laugh

[LA Man]

Good one!