Those Moments that Cause You to Re-evaluate Everything

[Randy4Candy]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

1. ...I find it interesting you can want and hope for something or a long time, and then when it happens, the implications blind side you...

2. ...However, life is change, even things that are forever have to change in order to last a lifetime...

1. Confucious say, "Be careful what you wish for." Well, somebody said it.....

2. Both a fact and a convenience - depends on the person and the time.

Mostly, we're gazing into the hypnotic flames of the bonfire of vanities, sometimes others', sometimes into a mirror of our own. My plan has always been, "do no harm" and, no, I'm not a doc. Even then it is a case of "the best laid plans of mice and men...."

Odd thing is that cliche's exist because they succinctly sum up human actions and activities. Not always 100% but, close enough for the girls I go with.

Lauren, all societies place value on consistency above almost everything else. Good plan for commerce, not necessarily a good plan for individual growth. Gestalt theory comes to mind.

[Camille]

Feel better soon Lauren x

[Elsa]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

So I wonder as I sip my tea, beyond my rambling (thanks), if becoming an escort or hobbyist did anything to fundamentally change how you viewed the world, yourself, or other aspects of your life?

Being an escort taught me to have a better opinion of myself, so that's a very positive change.

[LynetteMarie]

Wonderful question, Lauren!

While I have experienced some major life changes the past few years that have affected me incredibly and made me reevaluate things, the most powerful incident happened just a few months ago when I attended the “Speak Up! Media Skills for the Empowered Sex Worker” seminar offered by Sex Work Awareness in NYC.

I was horrified to fill out the application to attend. I was nervous about the phone interview. When I was accepted, I was elated but also scared about meeting other current and former sex workers who wanted to use their voice to interact with the media or create their own to get their message out. My knees were literally knocking when I entered the room and met all of these amazing women whose blogs I had been reading for so long, women who are making real changes through their activism, writing books, teaching at universities, appearing on CNN, etc...etc...

While I felt like small potatoes next to these women at first, the feeling quickly faded as they were genuinely interested in hearing the angle I was coming from and what my goals are for breaking stereotypes in this world of ours. Everybody was incredibly intelligent, full of questions for each other, full of wonderfully original ideas along with fascinating life experiences. We collaborated on a public service announcement together and while a few of us didn't want to be on film, the majority of attendees were proud to be seen and talk about sex workers and harm reduction.

At the end of the weekend, I was crying. I felt a shift inside of myself and a deep connection with these women who had the heart and guts to step forward and try to make a change. I was deeply affected by the attendees and presenters.

I used to say, "my job does not define me." But I have now come to the realization that while this job doesn't COMPLETELY define me, it is a very important part of who I am. If I had not become an escort, I would not have become so passionate about fighting for human rights. I would not have truly understood what compassion for others is really about. I would not respect the gift of physical touch and affection that we are given as physical beings on this earth.

I have been interviewed on the radio and by two artists since then and have shared this with friends and family, things I would not have had the courage to do before attending the training. I am so thankful that I was accepted into the program and met such empowering women and men who have helped mold me into a more involved and proactive person.

[WTF]

Excellent post Lynette. Probably just the point Lauren had in mind. Life altering moments.....like when a person decides to quit cigarettes or drinking or decides to. Those are huge life choices. People get religion, people forsake religion. Everything changes. The older I get the less I think of how huge my decisions mean to anyone other than me and a few close relatives/friends. People want their life to have meaning, it is scary when you come to realize that even the greatest doers die and life just keeps going on without a hitch.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by Rudyard K

Yep, I know she is Canadian...but as you alluded to...it was posted for the sentiment...not the local.

Poetry is without boarders.

Originally Posted by Rudyard K

Most of the time we find our old friends still waiting there for us..

Yes that's been a lovely life lesson.

Originally Posted by Leah Ireland

I read about half way through what you wrote. What, you don't allow yourself to evolve??? You change who you are anytime you feel like it. It's called growth and spiritual choice (and whatever your language allows - whatever).

I have a strong belief that we spend our whole life evolving, however, I don't believe I can do things anytime and anyway I feel like it. I have a firm belief in faith based living, which is centered on spiritual growth. Our responsibility to be good to people is a grave one. So if I feel that I'm evolving - I need to go about things with consideration for others. And that takes thinking and talking to people.

Change is hard.

As WTF said: See and ask how others who have gone through the same experience feels. Try your best to not assume that you will feel much differently because you are special or unique.

[guest060911]

Lauren, sometimes I have a difficult time with change. After meeting a gentleman (client and friend) several months ago, my approach to different things in life and especially this industry has changed quite a bit. And I know that I have some major changes that I must undergo, but the idea of change tends to make me anxious and uncertain. It makes me withdraw too. And to be honest, at one point this summer, I just pulled back and stopped answering my emails and phone calls as I thought about the personal changes I must make. I did not intend to be a flake, but sometimes time alone until the change is sorted out is the best solution.

A few years ago, I read a good book on change called “Who Moved My Cheese”.

Good luck with your change!

[Guest053011]

Lynette,

I'm unspeakably envious of your ability to participate in such events. I have long wanted to, but am absolutely terrified. I fear my day job would collapse if someone recognized me or somehow found out. I also fear for the gents who I am heavily involved with to the point where people in their personal world know me.

The thought of being recognized by the wrong person literally has be frozen with fear. The power of social stigma is really quite amazing. So I am limited to donations to cultural education and the battle for social equality. Again: I'm soooooooooooooooo jealous.

I'm not suggesting these other women don't have something to loose, just that I could never bring myself to roll the dice.

Like you this world doesn't define me, but it does complete me. I love my life and would be miserable if I had to leave it.

Let me say that your active involvement is much appreciated, and that I'd like to personally thank you for it. It takes the courage of women like you to help make a world where we don't have to live in fear of being "discovered", harassed and marginalized.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by GiamarieLynn

It makes me withdraw too. And to be honest, at one point this summer, I just pulled back and stopped answering my emails and phone calls as I thought about the personal changes I must make. I did not intend to be a flake, but sometimes time alone until the change is sorted out is the best solution.

Yes indeed. I think sometimes we need psychological privacy and solitude.

I wish you the best as well.

[charlestudor2005]

Lauren...I love, love, love the new avatar. I had a hint when I toured your website (ladies aren't the only ones that tour). But seeing it here with every post...well, it is just great!

[onehitwonder]

So Lauren you seem to be feeling a bit better than the other day when I commented on your post. I'm so glad. I hate to see anyone sad and weary.


Sincerly, Onehitwonder

[LynetteMarie]

Originally Posted by GiamarieLynn

...but sometimes time alone until the change is sorted out is the best solution.

A few years ago, I read a good book on change called “Who Moved My Cheese”.

Yes Yes Yes!! I call it "hanging out in my cave" when I take time out to be alone, turn off the phone (ok, I answer for Mom and Dad) and just reflect on everything.

Ohhhh! Who Moved My Cheese? what a classic!! Thank you for the reminder! That's one to add to Camille's book thread.

[LynetteMarie]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Lynette,

I'm unspeakably envious of your ability to participate in such events. I have long wanted to, but am absolutely terrified. I fear my day job would collapse if someone recognized me or somehow found out. I also fear for the gents who I am heavily involved with to the point where people in their personal world know me.

The thought of being recognized by the wrong person literally has be frozen with fear. The power of social stigma is really quite amazing. So I am limited to donations to cultural education and the battle for social equality. Again: I'm soooooooooooooooo jealous.

I'm not suggesting these other women don't have something to loose, just that I could never bring myself to roll the dice.

Like you this world doesn't define me, but it does complete me. I love my life and would be miserable if I had to leave it.

Let me say that your active involvement is much appreciated, and that I'd like to personally thank you for it. It takes the courage of women like you to help make a world where we don't have to live in fear of being "discovered", harassed and marginalized.

Lauren, a few years ago I felt the exact same way. I lived in complete isolation in this little world aside from the gentlemen I became involved with. When I opened up to another woman in the business, she stabbed me in the back and outed me to everyone--my day job, alumni groups, neighbors, home owner's association, family she could find--I mean EVERYone. I was absolutely devastated, humiliated, ashamed.

To my surprise, nobody seemed to blink an eye. At least not to my face--for all I know they were badmouthing me behind my back but my gut instinct doesn't think so. Most of the people who were alerted of my activities either responded that they thought it was a lie and didn't think I was involved in this, or that they didn't really care. The president of my homeowner's association made my heart burst into a zillion atoms when she said, "Whether this is true or not, we don't really care. This is somebody evil and dangerous out to hurt you, and we're more concerned for your safety."

Hmmmm, looking back on it, I suppose this was another life-changing event for me!

I'm trying to get to the point here but I feel like I'm rambling...okay so here goes.

When I involve myself with the activist side of this world and sex worker's rights, I never label myself a sex worker. I do say that I worked in "gentlemen's clubs" to help me through college and that's what originally exposed me to the world of sex work. I also have a history of being involved with human rights issues, mainly the GLBTQ community, so it doesn't seem too far fetched that I'm also an ally of SWs. I don't share the fact that I'm a current SW because it really doesn't make a difference in the world of activism. People who are interested in this issue likely assume that I'm a SW anyway (I think we all kind of assume that about each other, even those who claim to be "former" SWs. Not a bad/judgmental thing, just reality. Like SW-radar!) and people who aren't interested will change the channel or scoff anyhow, so why bother sharing the information?

Regarding my day jobs...basically I don't have a boss in any of the other things I do to earn money. In one instance, I rent space from somebody, but he's super cool and really wouldn't bat an eye if he found out about my Lynette life. I do make it a point to drop hints here and there about sex workers, dating for dollars, etc... No big deal. I'm a freelance...um...person in everything else I do. I'll just leave it at that.

Church. Okay...I attend a mega church and am very involved in my church. Someone who interviewed me called me a "Rick Warren type of Christian" whatever that means lol. I have shared my Lynette world with a number of people from church, including my pastor, and while I can't say any of them like what I do--and a few actually become noticeably uncomfortable around me--nobody has tried to "save" "rescue" or otherwise attempt to get to me to stop. A few of them think I am disrespecting my body and I'm being abused, but they clearly don't "get it" and likely never will, so I just listen with a patient heart and change the subject.

Family. Okay...I'm very close to my family. I visit Mom and Dad as much as I can and I phone them every day. I let them know of about 80% of my travels and I have for as long as I've been a traveling escort.

Okay, Mom and Dad aren't dumb. I get my intuition from them and Grandma was one of those dime-a-dance ladies so come on...how can I afford to whisk myself off to Europe and the Caribbean and etc...etc...so often? It's never been discussed, but they know. They've heard my interviews and Dad always refers me to news updates relating to the world of SWs. Mom recently said to me after a few glasses of wine, "You're my angel. I don't care what you choose to do in life as long as you're happy doing it." I melted.

Lovers/Gentlemen friends... I state in my website and blog that I'm involved in SW rights issues. That is the #1 reason my gents state that they want to see me these days (okay my smoking bod is really number 1. LOL. I mean a big LOL!!) I attract men who are also interested in SW rights, women's rights issues, human rights issues...very like-minded gents are attracted to me. So when I meet their colleagues or family members or neighbors or whoever, I'm simply introduced as "my real name here" and I'm a researcher and writer (which is the truth). Oh, and a friend, too. So when I'm on CNN and my lover's neighbor recognizes me, the neighbor will call my lover and say, "How cool! I just saw '....' on CNN and she was amazing!"

As for my personal dating life? I don't date. I lost my dearest to a massive heart attack not too long ago and I'm simply not ready.

Sooooooo, as aforementioned, I feel this is one long rambling babble but I just wanted to share that there are ways to be involved and "out there" without really being "out there."

I really hope this all made sense. I think I need a nap now.

[Guest083011]

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

Mom recently said to me after a few glasses of wine, "You're my angel. I don't care what you choose to do in life as long as you're happy doing it." I melted.

Many of us are parents to one degree or another, whether to actual children or dogs, squirrels, fish in Tiaras.

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

(okay my smoking bod is really number 1. LOL. I mean a big LOL!!)

Yes your pics reflect that you are a hottie.

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

As for my personal dating life? I don't date. I lost my dearest to a massive heart attack not too long ago and I'm simply not ready.

And we mourn your loss. Time will not fully heal that emptiness. Sorry.

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

I really hope this all made sense. I think I need a nap now.

Nappies are good. Sleep well, our princess. --The collective of D&T (and me of course).

[LynetteMarie]

Originally Posted by SR Only

Yes your pics reflect that you are a hottie.

Okay I hope you and everyone else recognized that I was joking by the smiley face thingy after I commented on my "hotness."


Thank you for being a supportive and attentive *virtual* friend. It does mean a lot that you take the time to read and comment on my babbles lol. Nobody wants to be the outcast.

Hugs to you.