Unemployed Guy's Basement Selfie Video Crushes Fox News In Primetime Ratings
https://babylonbee.com/news/unemploy...ews-in-ratings
  Entertainment   ·  Apr 27, 2023 · BabylonBee.com 
 
 
 
U.S.  — The historic leader in primetime cable ratings Fox News was  dominated  last night by an unemployed man filming a selfie video in his   partially-finished basement.
"This guy chatting for a few minutes  in his underwear and a blazer just  completely blew Fox News out of the  water," said Nielsen executive  Roger Millican. "It was a ratings  bloodbath."
 
The unemployed man reportedly posted the basement selfie video on  Twitter around 7 p.m., and by 7:02 p.m. had gained more viewers than the  entire  Fox News primetime lineup. "We got demolished," said a Fox News   producer, on condition of anonymity. "Our viewers abandoned us in  droves  to watch a video labeled 'Good evening', which was just this  dude  jawing in his basement. We're in trouble."
Panic quickly spread  among the top brass at Fox News, as executive  producers brainstormed how  to win back viewers. "More gold coin ads?  No, we already tried that.  Think, Bob, think!" said Fox News VP Bob  Randall. "Is it physically  possible to add any more 'Breaking News'  graphics? No? How about making  the necklines lower on all the female  anchors' dresses? This is hard!!"
 At  publishing time, the unemployed man had reportedly crushed Fox News   primetime ratings once again, this time with a video of himself  silently  making a ham sandwich.
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