Ignoring a reference request

[JONBALLS]

Jok...tell me a bedtime story about how things were before the whore wars and 2009..

[Hot to Trot Daphne]

A reference is a courtesy, not a requirement. Why 'ladies' don't treat it as such when that is in fact what it is is beyond me.

Since when does a hooker's business or safety rely so steadily on another unknown hooker giving a reference?

it doesn't make sense to me and probably never will.
I have been in 'the game' for a minute and this is one play that I don't understand...

[SweetElizabeth]

Luxury,
I agree that is which lady you accept references from that matters. A lot of women do not screen at all!

[Hot to Trot Daphne]

screening or not.. I wouldn't trust most strangers as far as I could throw them.

why anyone else would especially in this climate confusing. to me at least

[JONBALLS]

you would trust me though ..wouldnt you LD?

CMON!!!...................ITS MME !!............................ .............................. ...........JB

[MOCHAakaMOCHA]

And as a courtesy hell I'd take something close to an "i'd rather not give a reference for this client" or "I don't give out references" even if it were a lie than a straight up ignore. I think that's good manners....could be wrong but I sure don't think so. lol

[jokacz]

Originally Posted by JONBALLS

Jok...tell me a bedtime story about how things were before the whore wars and 2009..

Sorry, Juan, I fell asleep. Ask NN when you're both laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, smoking a cigarette.

[ra12229]

In my experience honesty is the best policy. I have seen ladies solely for the purpose of making them a reference in the future, and I made that clear up front that it was my intention. Done this twice, and also made it clear that my only expectation was they would A) be a reference for me when the time came and B) be honest and not ferl pressed to say anything untrue.

In one case I became a regular customer because the lady I wanted as a reference was simply too much fun to not see frequently.

Whether your perspective is provider or customer, it's not difficult to evaluate quality if you have even a limited amount of experience, and I find quality providers tend to be reliable.

[Guest091813]

honestly...
here we go..ya ready..
im gonna tell ya...when a gent gives me a lady's name..i will let him know immediately if she is ref friendly or not..
I've been around long enough to know that some of the ladies are fly by nights that dont screen anyways..some have issues with the prohibited stuff and cant remember what even took place or who they saw yesterday..and some..well they have personal issues involving me that they havent gotten over as of yet..you know..petty shit...
or when you do request..the lady doesnt return your vouch ref within a timely manner..you know they get back to you like 4 weeks later...

however i am pretty nice and dont go into the particular's of why i wont ask that lady.
I just tell..A she no ref friendly..or B..Im not comfortable contacting her..

Now as far as ladies that i dont know..im usually pretty leary about asking..unless they are apart of this board and ive seen them posting in diff threads here on the board ...

i have become very creative in my screening and that helps me keep my biz matters to myself..and allows him to play discretely without messing his stuff up..

now if a chic that falls into any of the categories i listed above contacts me..sure I'll givem a vouch..tell as much as i can remember about the gent..I try to be kind in that way...its just who i am..

[HlavinKitheri]

It could be various things, but two that come to mind are:
- Provider feels proprietary toward hobbyist, doesn't want him going with other providers.
- Provider is so deeply UTR she doesn't want to disclose to ANYONE unnecessarily (from her perspective) that she has ever seen a hobbyist.

[Tatiana M.]

Originally Posted by Goddessmaria

I had 5 reference requests to one lady this week on a tour completely ignored.

Originally Posted by Goddessmaria

No response, at all.
It happens, shit happens

There is one thing I find more annoying.
I provide a timely and thoroughly checked reference, meaning I double checked all info to make sure the lady asking is getting a safe reference and I get nothing so much as a basic "Thank You"

Common courtesy goes along ways...... Just saying

I agree shit happens. I also give detailed references, and many times I never recieved a "thank you" either. Other times, the lady was very appreciative towards my effort in taking the time to give the detailed reference. But I generally like to talk, I'm an open book. Thats just my personality. I don't mind emails, or communicating with people. I over analyze and over think sometimes. I also believe in Karma; you treat people well you will get treated well back. I understand some people just don't want to be bothered with excessive emails. But in that case, how about a simple "yay or nay" ? I once had a lady get back to me, after the fact. She apologized for not getting back to me sooner, but she explained that she was busy and checking emails was limited. So yes, sometimes providers can't give references.

Originally Posted by MOCHAakaMOCHA

I would hope a provider isn't running back to the client telling him which girl said no but *shrugs*. It looks like you know the answers in your first paragraph other than one other reason I can think of that they are just too wrapped up in their own business and life to respond back promptly so it MIGHT not be personal.
IMO 9 times out of 10 if a provider wants to get back to you about a reference even with just a simple yes or no.... SHE WILL.

My experiences with receiving responses from refs is 50/50. I'm personally very reference friendly receiving (granted the providers ONLY presence ISN'T on BP) and giving within reason (not more than 1yr from the last date me & the gent had).

And that providers response about reference is pretty interesting to say the least. I would go as far as she just sounded bitchy but that might just be too simple. *shrugs*

Mocha, I'm just curious. If a providers only presence is on BP, why wouldn't you get back to her? It is because of fear that she could be LE? There are some legit women who only use BP. They are few and far between but they are out there. Many new providers just getting their foot in the door use BP also. IMO these newer inexperienced providers on BP are at the greatest risk of getting jacked, busted or assaulted. Personally, I don't discriminate giving references based on where they advertise. But perhaps I should?? I don't know. Of course, you have to do what makes you feel comfortable.

Originally Posted by Luxury Daphne

screening or not.. I wouldn't trust most strangers as far as I could throw them.
why anyone else would especially in this climate confusing. to me at least

You can screen people till your hearts content. But some women want to know more about the gents personality. Is he clean? Any issues? Was he respectful, that sort of thing. Thats why references are good. It's not fool proof. Nothing really is. No matter how you cut it, there will always be slight risk in meeting someone you truely don't know. I once met a guy who was screened AND gave 2 references. He was good to go. But guess what? He was the most unstable man. I seriously was afraid for my life. He was angry and bitter and insulting. So screening and even having references aren't fool proof. And no one should believe they are. But every little step should be taken to atleast "try" to eliminate any risk.

Originally Posted by MOCHAakaMOCHA

And as a courtesy hell I'd take something close to an "i'd rather not give a reference for this client" or "I don't give out references" even if it were a lie than a straight up ignore. I think that's good manners....could be wrong but I sure don't think so. lol

Your right, it is good manners, if you don't feel comfortable giving a reference, atleast you don't leave the lady hanging. Also, if a lady does not get back to me, I always tell the guy she simply didn't get back to me, so I ask where do you want to go from here? If a man lists a reference, and she doesn't get back to me, I think the guy should know.

[MOCHAakaMOCHA]

I'm sure there are some legit women who only use BP but I won't be taking those refs and I think if her presence isn't only on BP I get a "easier" feeling she's a bit more established if BP isn't the only site she used. Lessening chances she could be LE or working for them are factors too.

I know many new providers just getting their foot in the door use BP (actually when I started out I was using CL and CV all at the same time...I never relied on just only one site) .... I was one and them I branched out/expanded. I guess I also feel if she's not only using BP and is using other boards/sites she takes her biz a bit more seriously...could be wrong but that's how I feel. However you comfortably handle references keep doing what works for you. I don't think it's wrong to have your own standards in what makes you comfortable with your screening.

[Guest121613]

Ok, a wonderful provider required 2 references. I inquired to 4 of my provider friends and used the first two to that replied back. Everything worked well.

Another time, a lady asked for references, and I gave her two, and the provider said "I don't know ________". It was a well known provider that has like 4o positive reviews. I was like, wtf, u got to be kidding me.

Anyway, a lot of providers just take a look at what the gent posts, and what they like, and if the reviews are believable.

What sort of happens is some providers prefer preferences over other screening methods, and as clients, we need to know which our provider friends are willing to engage in sharing references.

A know a few ladies who have been burned by references, and have better luck with p411, or just reading the guys reviews. Some providers are lone rangers, so those type will not do references.

[GP]

and some providers are

[SweetElizabeth]

Originally Posted by anita germane

honestly...
here we go..ya ready..
im gonna tell ya...when a gent gives me a lady's name..i will let him know immediately if she is ref friendly or not..
I've been around long enough to know that some of the ladies are fly by nights that dont screen anyways..some have issues with the prohibited stuff and cant remember what even took place or who they saw yesterday..and some..well they have personal issues involving me that they havent gotten over as of yet..you know..petty shit...
or when you do request..the lady doesnt return your vouch ref within a timely manner..you know they get back to you like 4 weeks later...

however i am pretty nice and dont go into the particular's of why i wont ask that lady.
I just tell..A she no ref friendly..or B..Im not comfortable contacting her..

Now as far as ladies that i dont know..im usually pretty leary about asking..unless they are apart of this board and ive seen them posting in diff threads here on the board ...

i have become very creative in my screening and that helps me keep my biz matters to myself..and allows him to play discretely without messing his stuff up..

now if a chic that falls into any of the categories i listed above contacts me..sure I'll givem a vouch..tell as much as i can remember about the gent..I try to be kind in that way...its just who i am..

VERY nice response, ;--) ;-)

Originally Posted by HlavinKitheri

It could be various things, but two that come to mind are:
- Provider feels proprietary toward hobbyist, doesn't want him going with other providers.
- Provider is so deeply UTR she doesn't want to disclose to ANYONE unnecessarily (from her perspective) that she has ever seen a hobbyist.

UTRs seem to use the reference thing as a play sometimes. (NOT ALL, keep in mind. this is a general and obvious statement.) IE "I see all the boys but don't associate with other providers.... "
SO, being a woman who HAS been UTR with more strict requirements, or as I like to say "Request Only":

Yeah, if she is so UTR keep her UTR is my prospective. It is, after all, her request. Unless she authorizes a ref I wouldn't ask her to supply one. If a man offered a referral I'd deny it. That's seriously the most respectful thing to do.

Originally Posted by Tatiana M.

Mocha, I'm just curious. If a providers only presence is on BP, why wouldn't you get back to her? It is because of fear that she could be LE? There are some legit women who only use BP. They are few and far between but they are out there. Many new providers just getting their foot in the door use BP also. IMO these newer inexperienced providers on BP are at the greatest risk of getting jacked, busted or assaulted. Personally, I don't discriminate giving references based on where they advertise. But perhaps I should?? I don't know. Of course, you have to do what makes you feel comfortable.

You can screen people till your hearts content. But some women want to know more about the gents personality. Is he clean? Any issues? Was he respectful, that sort of thing. Thats why references are good. It's not fool proof. Nothing really is. No matter how you cut it, there will always be slight risk in meeting someone you truely don't know. I once met a guy who was screened AND gave 2 references. He was good to go. But guess what? He was the most unstable man. I seriously was afraid for my life. He was angry and bitter and insulting. So screening and even having references aren't fool proof. And no one should believe they are. But every little step should be taken to atleast "try" to eliminate any risk.

Your right, it is good manners, if you don't feel comfortable giving a reference, atleast you don't leave the lady hanging. Also, if a lady does not get back to me, I always tell the guy she simply didn't get back to me, so I ask where do you want to go from here? If a man lists a reference, and she doesn't get back to me, I think the guy should know.

I agree that a man should know when a verification comes in, even if it is a courteous email two weeks later. The better for scheduling on the next trip!!!!

I also agree that each lady should do what is comfortable to her and that a simple "I do not give references" is suffice and should not be questioned.

The hos who ask for references yet refuse to give them is what upsets me.

IMHO and experience there are few women who Only list at BP and require a reference. The ladies who have asked me are here and gone........ Scared to death and screening, and in for only a short time. My guess is a VERY short term financial goal or encouraged by a BF/Husband. (Does anyone recall "Desiree' from my group??) lol

IN GENERAL, I prefer a client to email me beforehand of a BP Ref, so I know a reference request is coming. Most do, especially if he knows I am probably not familiar with the gal.

As far as personality and taste, YMMV per client. A person who clicks well with you may not click well with me. As far as tolerance levels/desire levels, what you may get into I might not do, and visa versa. OBVIOUSLY I want to know if a man has major issues (Beating/stealing/stalking/etc). However, MOST verifications are "NOT LE" and judge for yourself..... This is the escort world.

Originally Posted by MOCHAakaMOCHA

However you comfortably handle references keep doing what works for you. I don't think it's wrong to have your own standards in what makes you comfortable with your screening.

:--)