The body language of a date

[RunSilent RunDeep]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

<snip> It also feels damn good to make a genuinely good man feel attractive - not just related to his ability to bring a woman to orgasm - but that his personality is admirable, his intelligence deserving of respect, and that he can look good too. Guys seem to forget that they're allowed to feel good about themselves. <snip>

May God bless you and continue to keep you close to His heart.

I have felt lucky, I have felt honored, I have felt astonished (that civvie "she" would tolerate my being around); but I have never felt attractive.

Nor have I ever expected that any woman would find me attractive. I have never looked like a model or a movie star; I have never been athletic or physically strong; we all know (don't we) that these are the kinds of men who are attractive. So why would they find me attractive?

Before this gets sounding too pitiful, I'll just stop right here and say again: God bless you.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by RunSilent RunDeep

I have felt lucky, I have felt honored, I have felt astonished (that civvie "she" would tolerate my being around); but I have never felt attractive.

Nor have I ever expected that any woman would find me attractive. I have never looked like a model or a movie star; I have never been athletic or physically strong; we all know (don't we) that these are the kinds of men who are attractive. So why would they find me attractive?

+1

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by RunSilent RunDeep

May God bless you and continue to keep you close to His heart.

I have felt lucky, I have felt honored, I have felt astonished (that civvie "she" would tolerate my being around); but I have never felt attractive.

Nor have I ever expected that any woman would find me attractive. I have never looked like a model or a movie star; I have never been athletic or physically strong; we all know (don't we) that these are the kinds of men who are attractive. So why would they find me attractive?

Before this gets sounding too pitiful, I'll just stop right here and say again: God bless you.

Oh my dear - a sadly common state!

I am no super model, you can't bounce a quarter of my stomach. I am not brilliant, nor do I possess talent that can be called genius. Though I feel pretty - beautiful, stunning? No. Only in the eyes of the men who adore me- when their arms are around me I am the most beautiful woman in the world. And I hope I Have succeeded in returning that gift. How wonderful to hear such a man tell me I make him feel attractive. It's wonderful to believe there is no emotional debt owed, that you both walk in bliss together.

And so why should it not be the same for you? In all your imperfections, in the eyes of she who adores you, loves you, you should feel attractive.

I think women are so convinced every man has an inherent ego, that they have no need for such things. We are so busy trying to feel better about our insecurities we do not ease those of our lovers. Sometimes I wonder if we know how to, since we are expected to be the fairer sex, to somehow be the centerpiece of the relationship.

Men too bleed of a broken heart, look into a mirror and question themselves.

I hope you find a woman that can make you feel more than tolerated - be embraced. That's not expecting too much.

[JadeNow]

Of course women are more sensitive, period! Everyone knows that!
But, I totally agree with the comment about happy or unhappy people.
It doesn't matter who, how old, or where you are, if you're happy people notice, and vice versa.
I would pay ANY amount of money to ensure that females could get along better, help each other more, and unite!! Competition that gets ugly is totally unnecessary, there are more than enough people to go around! A person's reputation is all they really have, like you "word" is all that matters. Being open to any situation is hard, but not impossible. Try to enjoy every second of life! People WILL notice!

[Roark]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill
So I have to ask the gentlemen: Have you ever been on a date with a lady where the little things in her body language turned you off, even though nothing overt was wrong? Would you politely excuse yourself from the rest of the evening or venture forward?


Over the years chemistry and intuition have always kept me on course, to that proverbial road to pleasurable perdition. Thus I generally try to scratch the surface a bit on those dates that start in the freezer. If after a half hour or so were still making ice cubes, I chuck it to the dirty hamper of bad ass experience's.

[Camille]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I think women are so convinced every man has an inherent ego, that they have no need for such things. We are so busy trying to feel better about our insecurities we do not ease those of our lovers.

I agree with that Lauren. Often women are too busy waiting to be enjoyed that they forget that they could (and should) be showing their enjoyment of their partner too. It's probably the biggest complaint I have heard from men over the years, both in and out of this business, that they don't feel enjoyed. Showing someone you enjoy them is not the same as telling them you do but is just as, if not more so, important. At some point you have to be willing to take that leap of faith with someone and get naked with your clothes on. I do think it's a nerves thing..about putting your vulnerability out there ("what if I like him more than he likes me?")....but it can always start with baby steps. It's a marathon, not a sprint or a competition. I'd rather found that out sooner than later so I'll take the risk of going first....even when I feel very nervous.

C

[RunSilent RunDeep]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

<snip> I think women are so convinced every man has an inherent ego, that they have no need for such things. We are so busy trying to feel better about our insecurities we do not ease those of our lovers. Sometimes I wonder if we know how to, since we are expected to be the fairer sex, to somehow be the centerpiece of the relationship.

Men too bleed of a broken heart, look into a mirror and question themselves.

And part of the confusion also comes, I think, from the fact that we men are trained not to talk about such matters. (Recall how I tried to back away from "sounding too pitiful?") If we do talk about them ... we lose Masculinity Points. So to speak.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

I hope you find a woman that can make you feel more than tolerated - be embraced. That's not expecting too much.

Maybe there's a nuance thing here. Dunno.

I've been embraced for fun; I've been embraced because of love; I've been embraced because of friendship -- all were different kinds of embraces, but there they were. They were more than being tolerated.

But they didn't necessarily make me feel attractive. They made me feel (to quote myself) lucky, or honored, or astonished (at my luck that I'm being embraced). But they didn't make me feel that this had anything to do about me and my stellar qualities. Do you see the difference?

Alison Armstrong (google her) has said, "Women hate to be treated as sex objects, so we hate to treat others that way. But ladies -- try treating your man as a sex object. He will love it!"

Makes sense?

[am-a-pleaser]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

.

So I have to ask the gentlemen: Have you ever been on a date with a lady where the little things in her body language turned you off, even though nothing overt was wrong? Would you politely excuse yourself from the rest of the evening or venture forward?

I had a civie date, took her to a romantic place for dinner. I knew something was off. As soon as we sat down, I looked at her and said. "You know, life's too short. Do you want to call this off now and go our separate ways?" She said yes, with that "thank goodness I don't have to go through with this" expression.

As we were walking back to my car, she asked what i was going to do. I told her I was going out. She asked where. I told her I was going to change clothes, then go to this fun bar I knew of.

Her attitude suddenly, completely changed. She asked if I minded if she went there too. I said, I'll see you there. She said no, I mean go there with you. I said okay. She came over to me very excited, hugs, kiss, holding hands -------- Long story short, we ended up having a wonderful evening together.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by am-a-pleaser

As we were walking back to my car, she asked what i was going to do. I told her I was going out. She asked where. I told her I was going to change clothes, then go to this fun bar I knew of.

Her attitude suddenly, completely changed. .

It taint hard to make a wino happy!

[..]

Originally Posted by am-a-pleaser

I had a civie date, took her to a romantic place for dinner. I knew something was off. As soon as we sat down, I looked at her and said. "You know, life's too short. Do you want to call this off now and go our separate ways?" She said yes, with that "thank goodness I don't have to go through with this" expression.

As we were walking back to my car, she asked what i was going to do. I told her I was going out. She asked where. I told her I was going to change clothes, then go to this fun bar I knew of.

Her attitude suddenly, completely changed. She asked if I minded if she went there too. I said, I'll see you there. She said no, I mean go there with you. I said okay. She came over to me very excited, hugs, kiss, holding hands -------- Long story short, we ended up having a wonderful evening together.

*grin* reminds me of a couple of similar situations

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by RunSilent RunDeep

I've been embraced for fun; I've been embraced because of love; I've been embraced because of friendship -- all were different kinds of embraces, but there they were. They were more than being tolerated.

But they didn't necessarily make me feel attractive. They made me feel (to quote myself) lucky, or honored, or astonished (at my luck that I'm being embraced). But they didn't make me feel that this had anything to do about me and my stellar qualities. Do you see the difference?

Alison Armstrong (google her) has said, "Women hate to be treated as sex objects, so we hate to treat others that way. But ladies -- try treating your man as a sex object. He will love it!"

Makes sense?

Makes a lot of sense. I've spent a lot of time in my deeply intertwined relationships, in this world and out of it, trying to convince my partner I like being treated like a sex object.

Damn feminism - so much got lost in translation.

That's where I introduce people to light dominant and submissive play. It was a way to get them into a place, using baby steps, where they could be shamefully lustful, and knock off the guilt of taking me for his own pleasure. Or this idea that checking out my ass "disembodied me" or that grabbing my hair in aggression during sex was "disrespectful", or being too afraid to call me a slut or whore in the midst of passion because it's "degrading".

So I guess I never had any issues treating my men like sex objects. I've thought of them that way since I was 14, and very much wanted to be played with and to play with them.

In fact, it's sort of fun the way a guy gets bashful when you grab his ass as you walk through the kitchen to get your cup of morning coffee, or the way a guy can blush with a mix of flattery and desire when you tell him what random sexual thought about his body just crossed your mind.

If anything these past 10 years have taught me just how terribly wrong all these generalizations women make about men are. And hearing them has become a bit of a pet peeve.

[RunSilent RunDeep]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Makes a lot of sense. <snip>

So I guess I never had any issues treating my men like sex objects. I've thought of them that way since I was 14, and very much wanted to be played with and to play with them.

(Oh, if only you and I had been 14, at the same time and in the same schools! )

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

In fact, it's sort of fun the way a guy gets bashful when you grab his ass as you walk through the kitchen to get your cup of morning coffee, or the way a guy can blush with a mix of flattery and desire when you tell him what random sexual thought about his body just crossed your mind.

Yeah, oh yeah. (blushing at the thought)

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

If anything these past 10 years have taught me just how terribly wrong all these generalizations women make about men are. And hearing them has become a bit of a pet peeve.

And may God bless you for being peeved.

I won't diminish that by using a cutesy smiley.

To borrow a phrase I learned in the (U.S.) Navy -- I don't care what everybody says. You're OK!

-- RunSilent RunDeep

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Makes a lot of sense. I've spent a lot of time in my deeply intertwined relationships, in this world and out of it, trying to convince my partner I like being treated like a sex object.

Well said.

Striking the right balance, that is the place, time, situation is relevant but I love being treated as a sex object. It creates a phenomenal space for lovers who have figured it out. Try it, you will like it.

Damn feminism - so much got lost in translation.

Not just in translation but the notion that it is all or nothing and for the most part the world does not work that way.

That's where I introduce people to light dominant and submissive play. It was a way to get them into a place, using baby steps, where they could be shamefully lustful, and knock off the guilt of taking me for his own pleasure. Or this idea that checking out my ass "disembodied me" or that grabbing my hair in aggression during sex was "disrespectful", or being too afraid to call me a slut or whore in the midst of passion because it's "degrading".

Yes, the all or nothing idea again. A time and place for most things works much better and is much more fun.

In fact, it's sort of fun the way a guy gets bashful when you grab his ass as you walk through the kitchen to get your cup of morning coffee, or the way a guy can blush with a mix of flattery and desire when you tell him what random sexual thought about his body just crossed your mind.

Absolutely yummy being on the receiving end.

[Guest042611]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

Not just in translation but the notion that it is all or nothing and for the most part the world does not work that way.

Seriously.

[Camille]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

In fact, it's sort of fun the way a guy gets bashful when you grab his ass as you walk through the kitchen to get your cup of morning coffee, or the way a guy can blush with a mix of flattery and desire when you tell him what random sexual thought about his body just crossed your mind.

Oh Lauren, you just reminded me of such a wonderful moment..a standout because it was unplanned. When I first moved to Boston I was dating. This was someone I REALLY liked, but we were still somewhat in the early throes of exploring. One evening I went to meet him in the city after work where we were going to have dinner in a restaurant. Just as I paid him a compliment, we were whisked off to our table by the seating host. I did just notice that my compliment had caused him to blush slightly...but he tried to hide it by turning his head quickly and I almost missed it. Too late, I saw it and was so deeply jolted by his reaction to my enjoyment of him that my heart literally jolted. I got THE most incredible butterflies. It wasn't until that point that I became sure he was someone I wanted to get to know a whole lot better. As we were being seated, I politely interrupted the seating host and said to my man, "I'm not doing this because everyone is watching...I'm doing it because I don't care if everyone is watching because that's how much I enjoy you" and I gently pulled him towards me by his tie and kissed him. There is something so precious about making a man blush when you are being sincere about your enjoyment of him...it's a sign that he wasn't expecting it and isn't used to it. Letting a man know they are so much more than worthy of your enjoyment is such an incredible gift to give.

Thanks for reminding of such a special moment.

C xx