SHAKE DOWN--REAL LIFE, NOT HOBBY

[jimbo 705]

No way this should be paid. She seems like she has planed this for a while. Have you friend get an attorney and show him all of the info that he has, and let the Attorney help him make a decision. He has the confidentiality with the attoney, and it might save hime 10K. Nobody here can really make a decision with out all the info.

[bolivarcorona]

The real problem is that it won't stop at what she has presently demanded. She will be emboldened. I would read her the riot act vis the extortion statute and make sure that as far as he is concerned --- if his wife gets wind --- he will assume it is as a result of her and therefore, she has followed through with the extortion. I would tell her I was disappointed she didn't ask me for help if she needed and tell her that because I am a kind hearted person, I would lend her a couple of grand which she can repay in 6 ---- 8 months and i would leave it at that.

[TexTushHog]

I think as one or two other posters have pointed out, suppose he pays $10k or some reduced amount. The gal will still have copies of the e-mails, pics, etc. Once she's successful, she'll be back for more money. It never ends.

SJ is correct in my judgment that your best bet it to try to bluff her off. If that can't be done, your friend either has to go to the police or just hunker down and take the damage. Seems pretty straight forward to me. I think he should see a criminal defense lawyer like SJ to deal with the blackmailer and perhaps also see a family law attorney, if he indeed has very substantial assets, to see if there is any pre-divorce planning that he can engage in to better secure his position should the worst occur.

[txirishman]

Thanks everyone for such well considered (in most cases) responses.

I hadn't really thought of this-but now realize that many of the more hostile responses come from those that fear this exact type thing happening. Disclosure. Revelation. It's why we go to such extremes to maintain our IRL identities--P411, hobby phones, screen names--all that good stuff. That said-I wonder how many of those that screamed "THIS SHOULDN'T BE PAID-SEE AN ATTORNEY-FUCK HER!" would be so bold if faced with the real life threat. Harry could part with the $10K though it would be a wrinkle on his end of year spreadsheet--but the fear of disclosure or how best to ensure nothing happens after paying--has left him sleepless.

Glad to be single...

[69er]

Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I strung the lady along for several weeks, while working with an attorney to make sure we had all we needed. I told her during our first phone contact that I believed her actions would land her in legal trouble, but she insisted her attorney had advised her it was not a problem. After a letter from my attorney, she agreed to never disclose anything.

We also made sure to gather information on her. We figured if it became ok for her to disclose info on me, we were going to make her life difficult as well. This was our backup plan, as we knew what she wanted to do as a job after quitting as a provider.

Really, I think the attorney is a much less risky option. If she decides after getting a letter and discussion with the attorney that she wants to go forward with the disclosure, you could always decide to pay her.

[bolivarcorona]

Whatever your friend does, he should assume that ALL his future communications (face to face and phone) are being recorded.

[Sweet Heather]

WOW. Sticky situation for sure! Let us know how it all turns out!

[JustMe68]

I am a woman and have never been on either side of this scenario personally, but I can almost bodily feel your friend's panic coming through your posts and wanted to chime in. The first thing your friend needs to do is take a deep breath and calm down. He didn't get all he has to lose by being fearful and reactionary. His panic is making everything exponentially worse, especially in his own mind. Next, he must take decisive action to neutralize this threat.

I absolutely second what both ShysterJon and 69er have said. Due to Attorney/Client Confidentiality, no lawyer could ever disclose the conversation with your friend so he is covered there. This woman is committing a felony and probably doesn't remotely realize the ramifications of her actions. She just thinks she has "rights" because she feels scorned. Wrong. All she has is righteous indignation. That and $2 will get her a cup of coffee. It is NOT worth a $10K downpayment (yes, there will be more calls if he pays her).

A reality-check letter from a bulldog attorney is the absolute way to go, along with having a portfolio of information on this woman, ready to be disclosed at the right provocation. I don't know him personally, but would choose ShysterJon in a heartbeat, especially since he has the trifecta of experience on this one.

Fear is a powerful motivator. This woman already knows she was wrong to have gotten involved with a married man in the first place. She feels foolish because she (now) knows she was only ever "just the other woman." She also knows, on some level, that extortion is wrong, if not a crime.

A legal nasty-gram, clearly outlining all the consequences and the nature of information collected against her, would take that ball in the pit of her stomach and turn it from red hot fire to cold gray granite. At that point, I believe the threat to your friend would dissipate for good.

Again, please tell your friend at the very least to stop wasting energy beating himself up. What's done is done, lesson learned, yadda yadda yadda. He'll feel much better after he stops "what iffing" and takes action towards a successful resolution for himself.

Best of luck to him, and hooray to you for being a supportive, helpful friend.

~JM68