Forced to submit?

[justabloke]

I think most of us in AR lean in one direction or another as far as being dom or sub goes. While I don't consider myself to be a dom, I'm not convinced that I'm a sub either, which leads me to the point of the question.

Do you think it would be possible to turn someone who is not really a sub into one? Same question also applies to being a Dom. Can you take someone so far out of their heads that you could mould them to fit one role or the other? Is it even possible to be a sub when you are constantly overthinking relationships and situations?

Personally I don't think it is, but I'm prepared to be shouted down. Do any of the ladies think they could turn me into a Dom or sub just by messing with my head and using whatever other tools she thinks she would need? Have any of you actually done it? I've read about non-consensual relationships but they sound like pure fantasy to me (excluding rape).

Anyway, chime in if you have an opinion or, even better, some experience.

[PsychedelicMut]

Good thread starter. I have lots questions. Here are a couple:

Do the terms dom and sub apply outside of the BDSM arena?
Are some people naturally dom with one person and sub with another?

[Monica13]

I would say say so. I'm just a naturally submissive person.

[Evie Doll]

I am naturally submissive. But my submission doesn't naturally surface unless I'm in a very comfortable situation. Otherwise, I'm the boss

[pmdelites]

i just found this URL in my stash of files from the past.
while in the context of a provider/client relationship it might be less "formal" than what is described on this and many other D/s websites, it is possible for a Dominant/submissive relationship to exist between a client and his provider or a provider and her client.

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/

[justabloke]

Originally Posted by pmdelites

i just found this URL in my stash of files from the past.
while in the context of a provider/client relationship it might be less "formal" than what is described on this and many other D/s websites, it is possible for a Dominant/submissive relationship to exist between a client and his provider or a provider and her client.

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/

I had a quick look at that website and it's quite interesting. The bottom line though is that they say the dynamic should be desired by both partners, so in that case the new slave/sub has gone into it wanting and expecting the dynamic to work. In he case of someone hovering on the edge of becoming a sub I didn't see anything that might suggest a way of tipping the balance.

Good conversation though.

[Victoria Columbari]

I am both a Dom and a sub but i only do light/sensual BDSM and fetishes. If someone is truly a Dom or Sub I think it would be hard to get them to be the other way. It is always worth a try if that is something you want to do and have a new experience with.

[*GoddessDallas*]

People aren't ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
It is up to the individual person.
I am DOMINANT and would NEVER be sub, but LOVE wealthy Alpha men who are sub to me behind closed doors...YUMMY!

[Gorgeous_Boriqua]

*If these are two Hobby players, I would say it is def best to first TALK / Request this before making any attempts to play it out.*

So anyway. This is mostly opinion, and a little experience
If we are talking about the roles of Dom and Sub in the bedroom only, then I think one person can be taught (or as you put it take someone so far out of their head / messing with your head) to behave as either and enjoy either.

A certain type of person may not enjoy one as much as the other, or may feel an extreme sense to either of loathing or adoration. Just like there are true Sadists and Masochists in the world for who knows what reason. Or just like a certain position or fetish might be on your hell no list or a fave.

The participant, say me for instance, has to be willing to give it a shot and appreciate the opportunity. Feeling safe is probably the most important tool that would be necessary to begin playing with these roles (def for me anyway).

If a person is timid, don't consider that a red flag. Different people have different barriers, and reasons. If they don't get too annoyed keep trying. The best way to get a lover to learn new things is if they can understand that this serves a need for you. That it turns you on. Here is the answer, and how to do it, you're going to ace this test. That you like it, and want to share this wonderful adventure with them. Begging like a baby has also been known work (I don't suggest this).

I encourage Masturbation (for any reason really) as a perfect stepping stone, and guiding the masturbation of a potential Master or Servant that you're hoping to mold. Start slow if need be, and you both can enjoy a new experience and journey.

For a person who is regularly controlling, or consistently responsible, letting go for your Master must be a relief. As the submissive partner, you may feel reduced to a simple slave. And how nice it can feel. Do as you're told (just like you've secretly wanted to do all along). Should you not do that because your ego fears it? No! Do it! Will it be scary, frightening, humiliating, shameful, dangerous, exciting, thrilling, dirty, and so many other things that you have been missing out on?

For someone to step into the role of the Master after always doing what they're told day to day, year after year, can be exhilarating. To dominate another by pleasing them, and satisfying a need that they have to be controlled on this occasion. Knowing your power to punish and torture them until they climax at your command and mercy gives the both of you amazing pleasure. It's like touching Heaven.

As far as taking it out of the bedroom, that's just weird. I mean a joke or two here and there is ok, but living that way doesn't sound healthy. Like if someone lived like they were a Vampire or a crew member on Star Trek every day 24/7. I advise against this even though I consider people who do this very interesting.

Anyway, if there is one thing I say about Psychology, or Sex, or really any concept, idea, or thought, it is to have an open mind and curious nature. You'll be surprised at what you can learn, especially about yourself. Btw overthinking is ok, you're not alone

[pmdelites]

boriqua, thx for your viewpoints and experiences.

some of my favs in the mid-2000s were real life submissives; one woman left this sub-culture, moved from houston area to one of the carolinas and became a sub to a guy she met on the internet [yes, they talked quite a bit before she decided].

when either or both of those two favs and i met, i might blindfold or restrain them and def "ordered" how they were to please me and lil delites.
but there's no way i would consider myself a Dominator, more a Dom-lite!.
and when they "convinced" me to be a sub, i was not very good at a that - i asked too many questions and laughed too much.

but all our interaction were very deliteful to each of us in our own way.


just like many aspects of life, the world of Dominance and submission is very very deep.
and should NOT be confused w/ BDSM - bondage, dominance, sado-masochism.
a D/s relationship does not necessarily include bondage and/or sado-masochism.

so, to justabloke and others, please read up on whatever aspect of sexual & social interactions you are considering, discuss it w/ whomever you want to engage in this style, and be clear on both sides.
just calling yourself a Dom or a sub does not mean you are one.

tho, one could role play being a Dom or a sub - that could be fun :^)

[Gorgeous_Boriqua]

Originally Posted by pmdelites

when either or both of those two favs and i met, i might blindfold or restrain them and def "ordered" how they were to please me and lil delites.
but there's no way i would consider myself a Dominator, more a Dom-lite!.
and when they "convinced" me to be a sub, i was not very good at a that - i asked too many questions and laughed too much.

:^)

Interesting, so you had a 3 way relationship where you all tried both Dom and Sub together? Sounds cool! You should write about about the times you shared with these friends and lovers Seriously, that sounds like something I'd read

Pmdelites what if a Dom told you that you were not allowed to speak until given permission. Or for each question you might get a certain punishment or spanking? And maybe the laughing only encourages them to believe that you are enjoying yourself.

See I can get that some people might not like (at first start), to be spanked, or certain things, which can be the more thrilling when something so strongly avoided at first is eased in. Toyed with. Accepted. Then completely submitted to in the end, and endeared by the Master or Mistress for the significance it holds. Lol I can see the sexy in just about anything freaky, even if I don't always dip in the pool myself to try it. It's all beautiful to me. Love, the Mind, and Sex are beautiful to me.

[Lena Duvall]

The distinction between consensual non-consent and being forced to be one thing or another in a way that is not consensual is really important. Sporadically, I get excited at the thought of switching things up, and giving Domming a try. But when I reflect more deeply, I think I'm more interested in topping. And it is possible to be a submissive top (or a Dominant bottom). So I'm still thinking through how that will manifest for me. I think if I were to encounter someone that was trying to force me to be a Domme, especially in a session, I'd be a bit weirder out, and I think it would be awkward for all parties.

As someone who is very sexually submissive, I've never found myself trying to force someone to be a Dom. I do feel that I've inspired some to explore or cultivate their preexisting Dominant proclivities...

[justabloke]

Originally Posted by Lena Duvall

The distinction between consensual non-consent and being forced to be one thing or another in a way that is not consensual is really important. Sporadically, I get excited at the thought of switching things up, and giving Domming a try. But when I reflect more deeply, I think I'm more interested in topping. And it is possible to be a submissive top (or a Dominant bottom). So I'm still thinking through how that will manifest for me. I think if I were to encounter someone that was trying to force me to be a Domme, especially in a session, I'd be a bit weirder out, and I think it would be awkward for all parties.

As someone who is very sexually submissive, I've never found myself trying to force someone to be a Dom. I do feel that I've inspired some to explore or cultivate their preexisting Dominant proclivities...

So let me toss this idea into the ring, following a private conversation with another member. What if you aren't dom or sub but just someone who enjoys kinky sex and sexually exciting scenes? It's almost an unwritten rule that to take part in the kind of activities we enjoy in Another Realm, that you have to buy into the whole dom/sub thing? What if the thought of some sexy woman in hot fetish gear tying you up, flogging you and pegging your ass just makes you horny instead of deeply submissive? Suddenly the game becomes much easier to play, without all of the rules and etiquette demanded of true D/s players.

[Lena Duvall]

It's totally fine to be neither a Dom nor a sub. D/s play isn't the only aspect of the other realm... Yes, there are a lot of staunch BDSM/kink practitioners who may try to define other's experiences. But only you can know best what you like and how you want to identify.

[Zhivago52]

Naturally Dominant here, but enjoy switching now and then to experience what my lovely partner is experiencing. Turns out I enjoy it just as much, as she has also enjoyed switching to the Dominant role.

We all know those moments when we feel like being dominated. Nice to be able to express that to a partner who knows WTF she is doing and vice versa.