Good news, bitches!

[Lapdog]

Well, that was a squeaker, huh? Amirite? But once again, good trumps evil. See what I did there? So anyway, now that all you flameouts are all of a sudden standing around with your dicks in your hand because the Trump Train just jumped the tracks, I have some good news for you!

My fabulous new restaurant, "Chez Lapdog" opens today, bitches! After four years of preparations, the grand opening will run until January 20, 2021, so there's plenty of time for all you fuckups to pick up the pieces and make the drive in from Stupidville to enjoy our world renowned specialty of the house....CROW! It's sure going to be nice watching that virus-infested, syphilitic, mango Mussolini meltdown and his squinty eyed eastern bloc mail order hooker desecrating Marine One for the last time EVER so that it can whisk them away to beautiful downtown who gives a fuck where, with his stumpy little Corgi tail tucked firmly between his pudgie spray tanned ass cheeks, and that ridiculous triple comb over positively glowing from his fever! Goddam, how sweet it is!

Come hungry and come often, bitches! There's more than plenty to feed all you degenerates, but wait, there's more! The honorable ambassador called me from the Mexican Embassy just this morning and Mexico is gonna PICK UP THE TAB for you! That's right! See, they got all this extra cash lying around because they don't have to pay for Trump's pie in the sky wall since he never quite got around to building it like he promised. Hey, stirring up trouble and dodging responsibility takes time, so they're gonna treat each and every one of you clueless misfits to lunch instead! Ain't that just too cool? Anyway, like I was saying, crow is the fruit of the skies. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, crow kabobs, crow creole, crow gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir fried. Dey's pineapple crow, lemon crow, coconut crow, pepper crow, crow soup, crow stew, crow salad, crow and potatoes, crow burgers, crow sandwich. Dey's crow tacos, crow enchiladas, crow a la plancha, crow fajitas, pico de crow, crow etouffee, Buffalo crow wings (only the left ones, the right ones are so passe), crow over rice, crow over dirty rice, crow cocktail, crow scampi, crow tortas, man, the list just keeps growing!

My very eager and semi-competent Latino staff will be more than happy to accommodate you. Just place your order kinda slowly, 'cause no a goddam one of 'em can speak English for shit, but hey, they work cheap and I don't have to take out any fucking payroll taxes or insurance and besides, we only got one thing on the menu anyway.....CROW! If they still can't understand you, just meekly say, "Cuervo, por favor." Or leave hungry, I don't give a fuck. Anyway losers, come early and come often. The line forms on the vacant tract of land next door, but not to worry, I clear cut all the trees (and sold off all the timber at a rather nice capitalistic profit) so there won't be no goddam panty waist liberals or communist Marxists hiding behind any of 'em, but I still haven't had time to check that pesky woodpile yet to see who's in there. I'll get to it, gimme time. In the meantime, I'm gonna go see if I can find the recipe for some good old Humble Pie! Hope to see you soon!

P.S. I've got reserved seating set aside for any of you candy-assed little jealous pissants from Pissburgh who don't know jack shit about vetting, and are willing to make the trek all the way down here in your POS beater that you financed a a pay as you go lot, any lonesome whackos from Waco Weeaboos, dipshit Bambis, or "friendly" homophobic racists attempting to deny their own latent homosexuality. I've got a personalized sippy cup and booster seat for our little bb1961 (uh, Junior, I'm really gonna need a signed note from your parents, if you don't mind), matching Marxist/LSMFT combination detector rings for Chicken Little and WD. and designated Lexus douche canoe parking right up front will all the rest of the ignorant handicaps! We're also opening up the Dealmaker, My Ass Privacy Lounge for those of you who feel the need to pull each other's puds, or even your own for that matter, I don't care. The only qualifications for membership are that you gotta be terminally clueless and morally reprehensible (being a fucking demented dipshit and having two or three bankruptcies always helpt), but honestly, there's so goddam many of you degenerate fucks that I'm afraid the fire codes are gonna limit our spacious seating. Just speak slowly when you get to the door. The password is "CHINGUE TROMPO!" Julio or Big Diego will be there to greet you. Enjoy, bitches!

[1blackman1]

Lemon pepper crow wings are on the menu as a special I’m sure. Also smothered crow. Buffalo crow wings.

The Idiot Crew will surely bring all the whine and a side of tears.

[skirtchaser79411]

DONALD J TRUMP YOU ARE FIRED

[eccieuser9500]

Originally Posted by Lapdog

The only qualifications for membership are that you gotta be terminally clueless and morally reprehensible (being a fucking demented dipshit and having two or three bankruptcies always helpt), but honestly, there's so goddam many of you degenerate fucks that I'm afraid the fire codes are gonna limit our spacious seating. Just speak slowly when you get to the door. The password is "CHINGUE TROMPO!" Julio or Big Diego will be there to greet you. Enjoy, bitches!

[Yssup Rider]

Fuck that guy.

[matchingmole]

[the_real_Barleycorn]

How long before you miss Trump (let's pretend Trump is going somewhere)?

[Lapdog]

I worked too hard on this thread to have you hijack it. Start your own with your deflections.

[Jam3768]

Hilarious post Lapdog. Very well done.

[Lapdog]

Thanks, Jam.

[1blackman1]

As soon as we run outta Crow. Until then, I’ll never miss his ass. Bye Trump. Now Trumpys.

Get your orders of crow.

[Lapdog]

I think we may have some lame duck in the freezer, too.

[Jam3768]

Oh yeah. He will be the lamest duck president ever. The only thing he's going to do between now and the final day of his presidency is whine and bitch about the election, play golf and watch tv. That's it.
Nothing else.

[Lapdog]

Originally Posted by Jam3768

Oh yeah. He will be the lamest duck president ever. The only thing he's going to do between now and the final day of his presidency is whine and bitch about the election, play golf and watch tv. That's it.
Nothing else.

Well, I heard that they have a few positions open on the Wall Construction Project for goldbrickers. Huh? What? Oh....never mind. They need brick layers, not goldbrickers. My bad. Sorry.

[dilbert firestorm]

this is a disgusting thread. crow??? jesus, theres no meat on those birds.