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atlcomedy · 05-11-2010, 03:25 PM

Quote:

And Sweet Elizabeth...don't be jealous - first of all, you have things I don't anymore....My daughter lives in CA now and I didn't get her for Mothers day. I spent that day alone this year. My daughter is grown up and your little guy is still growing...you have an amazing amount of freedom (and a little loneliness) once they're gone...As to the rest; yeah. I am lucky -- I have an ex client that has been nothing but amazing to me, so yeah. I count my blessings, but there is a cost to my choices (like being alone on mothers day) that puts things on balance. As a brilliant friend of mine says: Everything is a trade. Not a trade OFF. But a trade.

SydneyB said this in another thread & I didn't want to hijack it...

How important is that day? Maybe I'm just having feelings of guilt that are unnecessary.

My Mom has several children. We all sent cards/flowers and had a substantial phone call (15+ minutes each) with her. Bottomline, she was recognized & we spent time with her; it wasn't like she was neglected.

The problem is geography. We all live a long way away from her -- certainly not the distance where you just drop in for dinner.

In years past, some or all of us, as adult children have been able to spend the day with her, as circumstances were different.

discreetgent · 05-11-2010, 03:46 PM

My parents never made a big deal about either day, they were non-events. I've carried forward in that tradition.

OneHotMale · 05-11-2010, 04:46 PM

I live roughly 30 minutes from my parents as well as does my sister in another direction so it is convient for she and her family as well as myself to meet at the parents home to take them out. The brother on the other hand lives in another state so he is resigned to a phone call.

LynetteMarie · 05-11-2010, 05:14 PM

From childhood, Mother's Day was a bigger deal than Father's Day as the school year was still in progress during Mother's Day. Up through Junior High,we would create a piece of art each year during the school day to bring home to Mom, whether a crayola drawing or a short story.

By the time Father's Day hit, we children were too busy playing in the pool to really acknowledge the day.

When I moved 2000 miles away from Mom and Dad, I would usually send flowers for Mom and gift cards for Dad on the holidays (are they technically holidays, by the way?). I would also call for a chat but that wasn't anything out of the norm as I spoke to them every other day. The gifts felt contrived and insincere.

Now that Mom and Dad live less than two hours away, I will spend a night or two at their house and pamper them with gourmet meals (Mom HATES cooking after all these years and I LOVE spending hours preparing meals lately) along with something else created from the heart like a painting (I love working with acrylics) or a poem. This is much more meaningful than the store bought cards and gifts and how we celebrate birthdays and Christmas as well. (In fact, Christmas celebrations generally no longer involve a gift exchange.)

terbul · 05-11-2010, 06:15 PM

More now, that they're gone.

Guest053011 · 05-11-2010, 06:51 PM

I personally never cared for Mother's Day and Father's Day. My parents did.

I offered a trade off: Ignore my birthday and don't buy me gifts on Christmas, and I'll pass on all the traditional holidays as well.

They've at least stopped taking it personally when I am the only child not to bother lol

pjorourke · 05-11-2010, 06:55 PM

I'd love to celebrate Father's day again, but sadly, I'm the patriarch now.

Sydneyb · 05-11-2010, 07:53 PM

you know; it wasn't so much about it BEING mothers day, but being alone on a family kind of holiday. So yeah. I'd say if your Mom is alone on any day that feels like a holiday (maybe even Fathers day, if he has passed that might even be a hard day for her).... if you can visit, take her out to eat, remind her of something she did for you as a kid and make her laugh....well, someday you won't be able to, so the idea of celebrating her now is better than the alternative.

The point I was making to Elizabeth was not so much specific to the holiday as pointing out that we all sacrifice one thing for another. For me, I have experienced a fair amount of isolation. Since so much of who we are needs to be hidden from people we meet, there is a sense of not being quite "normal" enough for big wide world. I mean, how do I go to dinner with a Lawyer (that I'm not seducing, which has been my schtick for a while now) and explain to her my life? Its not that easy and the alternative has been, increasingly, to spend time alone. Don't get me wrong: I know a lot of people - vollunteer and take board positions - but generally people know me on a superficial level and that is increasingly isolating.

But I'm just blue this week and that always intensifies feelings of being a lone ranger in the world. More yoga this week and I'll be a new woman....Mothers day will be a blip on the screen.

atlcomedy · 05-11-2010, 07:57 PM

SB - can I offer you a long distance hug?

I wasn't trying to pick on you. Your post just triggered some emotions in me...because I wasn't physically there for my Mom...and I missed her.

And as others have noted, I'm sure the most difficult ones will be the first years after my parents pass...life is too short

Sydneyb · 05-11-2010, 08:13 PM

Thanks for the hug.

I didn't think you were picking on me. It was a legitimate question - and a good one to consider (one of a sweet son, btw).

Rudyard K · 05-11-2010, 08:20 PM

My Mom died when I was a kid. My Dad?...a few years back.

Can't imagine not, at least, talking to either of them on their day if they were alive today. How hard is that?

Also can't imagine not hearing from my kids on Dad Day, or their Mom on Mom Day.

But everyone has to handle things as they see fit.

Wwanderer · 05-11-2010, 08:22 PM

Mother's Day is precisely as important as your mother says it is.

-Ww

WTF · 05-11-2010, 10:51 PM

My parents put up with a ton of shit from me while growing up. I can't think of any place I'd rather be than yanking their chains on any and all holidays and for no good reason in between celebrations.

petiteassman · 05-12-2010, 05:26 AM

is a lynette marie showcase

Quote:

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

From childhood, Mother's Day was a bigger deal than Father's Day as the school year was still in progress during Mother's Day. Up through Junior High,we would create a piece of art each year during the school day to bring home to Mom, whether a crayola drawing or a short story.

By the time Father's Day hit, we children were too busy playing in the pool to really acknowledge the day.

When I moved 2000 miles away from Mom and Dad, I would usually send flowers for Mom and gift cards for Dad on the holidays (are they technically holidays, by the way?). I would also call for a chat but that wasn't anything out of the norm as I spoke to them every other day. The gifts felt contrived and insincere.

Now that Mom and Dad live less than two hours away, I will spend a night or two at their house and pamper them with gourmet meals (Mom HATES cooking after all these years and I LOVE spending hours preparing meals lately) along with something else created from the heart like a painting (I love working with acrylics) or a poem. This is much more meaningful than the store bought cards and gifts and how we celebrate birthdays and Christmas as well. (In fact, Christmas celebrations generally no longer involve a gift exchange.)

guest012511 · 05-12-2010, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wwanderer

Mother's Day is precisely as important as your mother says it is.

-Ww

Agree.

---
...makes it easier if we thought and behaved as everyday was "Mother's Day", "Father's Day", "Valentine's Day" - Whatever Day.

Doing so might remove some of the "guilt" associated with not participating in said event.

Cheers,
HD