Welcome to ECCIE - Sign up today!

senor_hefe · 10-01-2010, 12:15 PM

So, let's just say marriage isn't so great but we have kids and I'm not ready to file for divorce. Let's just presume I am caught having an adulterous relationship. Then wife files for divorce. We have two little kids. What will be (is it possible to know) the impact of the infidelity be on the divorce? This is in Texas. Would it matter if said infidelity were with a provider (as compared to a married lady?)

Please refrain from generalities (ie "they will throw the book at you"... Well, great, what does that mean, 'cause I've never gotten a divorce and don't know what books get tossed around anyway!)

(Posting this makes me sad.)

Senor

bigtimewaster · 10-01-2010, 03:21 PM

Not a bad question. I would like to know too.

Roman Polanski · 10-01-2010, 04:20 PM

Divorce = money= lawyer. I believe it is alway's filed as "irreconcilable breakdown" in the end all that matters is money and material property. There are always two sides to every story. Marriage is the most difficult thing I have ever tried.

dosetank · 10-01-2010, 05:42 PM

You are going to eventually need a lawyer, best to consult one early on. I believe that most states have "No Fault" divorces, but a lawyer in Texas and your locality will know.

lilsmurf · 10-01-2010, 10:10 PM

At least you didnt get caught with another woman.
And then your SO finding out you do yeyo, lol.
She could have gotten everything but she was
cool enough to keep me.
Good luck man.

gigabitbucket · 10-02-2010, 06:02 AM

best advice get a good lawyer , above all.
I caught my ex in an affair, do not mean a thing in court.
I had little notes from her about her new guy, lawyer said it was not worth giving to the judge. I still brought it up while I was on the stand,
but
She got my son.

jac01 · 10-02-2010, 07:12 AM

From everything I have read, most states give preference to the mother when children are involved, regardless of how good of a father you might be. If evidence of your "illegal activity" with providers was brought up in court, I cannot see how that wouldn't be used against you in any child custody proceedings. This law firm advertises a lot on the radio in my area as one that solely represents men in divorce cases if you wanted to speak to an expert. They do have law offices in Texas as well.

http://www.cordellcordell.com/

http://www.cordellcordell.com/offices/texas

slider · 10-19-2010, 05:08 AM

I'm not a lawyer. This is what a lawyer told me during my divorce. The court where the case is filed can have a big influence on the outcome, as some judges are regarded as having a bias. I said I wanted a divorce, and she filed. Her lawyer placed it in a family court where the female judge was regarded as being biased against men. Lesson: File first, and submit to a court where the judge may be biased in your favor, or at least where there may not be a bias against you.

Capt. Lincoln F. Stern · 10-19-2010, 08:07 AM

I have a question about this:
I had a friend who filed a No Fault divorce in Texas, she and her hubby had no kids, no community property. Basically it was "I take my stuff, you take yours, we split the bank accounts and that is it" She had a signed witnessed statement from him saying he would not contest the divorce as long as she paid for it 100%. She did one of those "Divorce in a box" things..

My question is this: She started sleeping around with a guy during her divorce. Texas if I recall does not have a "legal separation" clause.. you are married till the divorce is final. Would she be considered an "Adulteress" at this time? And if her hubby found out, could he have filed papers to have the divorce changed from No Fault to "Infidelity" as being the reason and cause the divorce to be delayed or cost her more money?

Valentine Michael · 10-19-2010, 11:01 AM

Spirit, I'm sure your friend could assert her infidelity in the divorce, and make it more time consuming and expensive for BOTH of them. But, what's the point? Seems like a lose-lose situation.

Charlie Drake · 10-19-2010, 11:16 AM

Senor....It depends upon your wife. If she is a vindictive bitch (my ex), then she will take everything possible from you: your money, your future earnings, your children, your friends (she will turn them on you) and your reputation at work. Be prepared for your so-called 'friends' to drop you and your co-workers and bosses to treat you very differently. If your wife decides to make it common knowledge to your friends & co-workers that you had sex with a provider then make sure you enjoy living a lonely life or you are mentally prepared to start a new life (with most of your paycheck going to her & your kids in either scenario). She may decide to try to turn your kids against you....that was probably the toughest part for me.

My advice is that you double down on your secrecy / privacy, although lawyers will tell you that they will be able to dig up something. Only see independent providers (never have an affair - it will come out some day), always pay with cash, get a pre-paid cell phone (pay with cash, hide it very well and only turn it on when necessary), plan to be away at least 3 hours for a 1 hour appointment, don't use the toll-tag when going on appointments, don't speed or drive drunk on appointments, wipe the history from your computer every time you use it (get CCleaner), create id's & passwords that only you would know (nothing your wife could think of), never use a credit card or debit card for anything related to the hobby.....make this part of your life completely un-traceable (not 100% possible).

I'm sure I've left something out.....best of luck.

Capt. Lincoln F. Stern · 10-19-2010, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Valentine Michael

Spirit, I'm sure your friend could assert her infidelity in the divorce, and make it more time consuming and expensive for BOTH of them. But, what's the point? Seems like a lose-lose situation.

The only point would be to drag it out, make it cost her more since she considered him a loser.... course this started happening when she started earning more than he did....

Basically if he could have cost her more $$$$ and drug it out say... 2-4 months more she would have been ticked off more and not so cocky.

lilsmurf · 10-20-2010, 03:57 AM

To update my case, I get my papers served next week.
Kids are 20% of your weekly net pay for the first, 5% each aditional child per your income. Alimony is negotiable, but in my situtation we are not gonna drag it out, weve settled evreything already, so the lawyers need to just file it. All I want is my truck and my 72' LG flatscreen 1080p HDtv. But I did had to give 80/20 on the equity or she would have sued my ass to get it anyway. Because of errr, nevermind.
But I can make more money, you know.

Capt. Lincoln F. Stern · 10-20-2010, 08:16 AM

I think the best way to have an affair is the old fighter pilots creed "Stay unpredictable"

My friend who had hers, kept having it at her apt (she was living alone ) and the guy would come over before he would go into work around the same time 2-3 times a week. He and her worked at the same office, he worked morning shift, she worked evening.

But because he would come over 2-3 times a week M-F in the early morning hours, and always to her apartment, all someone needed to do was watch her place for 1 week.

I tried to tell her that but she thought I was stupid.

We Guys know more about hiding our affairs than we let on

Shackleton · 10-20-2010, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spirit13

The only point would be to drag it out, make it cost her more since she considered him a loser.... course this started happening when she started earning more than he did....

Basically if he could have cost her more $$$$ and drug it out say... 2-4 months more she would have been ticked off more and not so cocky.

Family lawyers love cases like this. Fight, fight, fight until both parties are bled dry and then settle.

Personally, I'd think your friend would be better off saving his money. But, if it's worth a few thousand dollars to him to cost his ex a few thousand, then go for it.