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Old 01-04-2017, 11:23 PM   #1
James1588
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Default Help Needed With Filthy Limerick

I can't quite seem to work out the rhyme and scansion with this one.

There was a young man from Nantucket,
Whose penis was sufficiently long for him to self-fellate.
Said he, with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a vagina, I'd certainly have intercourse with it."

Suggestions?
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Can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences;
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Old 01-05-2017, 05:18 AM   #2
Poppa_Viagra
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...fuck it"
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Old 01-05-2017, 05:19 AM   #3
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"I am the Man from Nantucket" - Ron Jeremy's t-shirt
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Old 01-05-2017, 06:15 AM   #4
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Oh, brother - its an oldy but a goody and it goes like this:
There once was a man from Nantucket
With a dick so long he could suck it
And he said with a grin
As he wiped of his chin
If my mouth was a cunt I could fuck it

I used to know a lot more. I used to have a girlfriend who knew a million dirty jokes, and we used to compete, so I went out and bought some dirty joke books so I could keep up with her...but...

That was long before ex became wife
When we'd laugh during sex all the time
She'd joke and grin
And holding it in
Lick her lips with my cum, say "Give us a kiss!"
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Old 01-05-2017, 09:13 AM   #5
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James1588...good one!
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Old 01-05-2017, 06:50 PM   #6
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There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were made from brass,
When he stumpfed his dear other,
They clanged together and played 'Stormy Weather',
And lightning shot out of his ass.


There once was a girl from Shamokin,
Who thought that her cherry was broken,
From riding her bike on a cobblestone pike,
But it was really broken from pokin.


There once was a hermit named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
He said I admit I am quite the shit,
But think of the money I save.

Cheers. No hating after the last one.
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Old 01-05-2017, 08:16 PM   #7
James1588
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tia travels View Post
James1588...good one!
Thank you, ma'am!

To all: yes, I really did know how that one goes. Just having fun with euphemizing.

By the way, to all you limerick-makers out there ("limericists"?): the limerick should have the same number of syllables in the first and second lines; the third and fourth lines have the same syllable count also (same as each other, but not the same as lines one and two); and the fifth line may or may not have the same syllable count as the first and second. Better if it does, IMHO.

Limerick on, folks!
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Old 01-05-2017, 08:26 PM   #8
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Think I might try to dream up some salacious haikus. Let's see:

The envelope is
fat; this client will plead for
mercy by the end!

Nah, don't like that one so well. I'll try to get some inspiration. Anybody know any good dirty haikus?
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Gaze at the moon 'til I lose my senses,
Can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences;
Don't fence me in."

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Old 01-06-2017, 11:03 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by James1588 View Post
I can't quite seem to work out the rhyme and scansion with this one.

There was a young man from Nantucket,
Whose penis was sufficiently long for him to self-fellate.
Said he, with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a vagina, I'd certainly have intercourse with it."

Suggestions?
How about this?

There once was a son of a prelate,
With penis so long he'd self-fellate.
Said he, with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"Were my mouth a vagina, I'd no longer need a ..."

Sorry, but I haven't come up with the last bit for two reasons. I'm having trouble coming up with something that rhymes with prelate/fellate, and the obvious class of person to mention would be a violation of guideline 10.
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Old 01-06-2017, 03:04 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by James1588 View Post
Anybody know any good dirty haikus?
The haiku form does not lend itself to humor or casual vulgarity, like the bouncy rhythm and emphatic final line of a limerick does. It is better adapted to erotica though:

Her sweat on my lips
My fingers clasp her buttocks
Rising to my tongue

I dare you to try to write a sexy limerick that isn't funny.
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Old 01-06-2017, 07:27 PM   #11
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The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical.
But the good ones we've seen
are seldom so clean,
And the clean ones are seldom so comical.

Haiku makes about as much sense as Japanese porn movies.
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