How far is just too far?

[ElisabethWhispers]

This question is one of philosophy, pretty much. Once individuals learn that an activity gives pleasure, then generally, that person wishes for more.

Or to go in a different direction. What was once brand new and interesting and "ah" decadent is now getting old hat and we have to go further to get our mojo (Gosh, did I just write that?) going.

So ... how far is TOO far? I have a feeling most of you know what I'm asking.

Elisabeth

[Guest101811-4]

For a straight guy, I would think that experimenting into male bisexuality would be too far.

[spice-is-nice]

Great question E,

Some of the things I can think of as I write this which are too extreme for me to try/enjoy include:

• brown showers
• roman showers
• piercing, branding, bleeding
• angry or humiliating scenes
• rough treatment of my testicles (not at ALL a turn-on for me, just makes me nauseated)
• corporal which goes beyond dancing on the boundary between pleasure and pain as a mean to get to subspace. For me, playing on the pain/pleasure boundary is great fun, being hurt is not.
• There are lots of other fetishes which aren't too extreme, but which I just don't have an interest in (some of these things I will do to please my partner if she gets off on them) such as foot worship, elaborate knot tying (no matter how artful looking), rubber, leather, or vinyl past the point of accents, doing housework, being caged, cuckold fantasies, human furniture, smoking fantasies, animal costumes, balloons, and lots more.

Somewhere around my late 40s I decided that I for sure wanted to try anything and everything which appealed to me, or that I was even curious about, and even some things I didn't think I would care for, just so I would have some context to understand all sorts of play, and so I made sure I tried everything I might like before I got too old to actively play. I have found that sexually I basically like being somewhat submissive, and have no real interest in being sexually dominant. I love everything from soft and sensual to fairly hard BDSM (if done skilfully, proper warmup and all that), but that my real sweetspot is mild to moderately intense sensual domination with the right kind of woman.

I'm a happy adventurer, so the challenge was always to find ladies (like you and a few others in here seem to be) who were interested in exploring lots of kinky activities, but who were fun and loving about it. I have experienced corporal to the point of getting into full-fledged subspace on several occasion. It is an intoxicating place to be, but most of the ladies who are really into that don't incorporate sex into the activities. It was interesting, but, I really find that I need sexuality in my play. Most of my play ranges from vanilla (which is certainly quite lovely with no kink at all) to being sensually dominated.

I have definitely found that I like for my partner to be assertive about her pleasure even for a vanilla encounter. I don't see anyone more than once who isn't literate, enthusiastic, and willing to let me please her at least as much as she pleases me. A partner who demurs and says "it's all about you" isn't someone I would see twice.

Pleasing my partner is at least as much fun for me as being pleased. I absolutely love a fun role play with "forced" daty/dato, aggressive kissing by my partner, simple bondage, maybe a blindfold, tease and denial, moderate corporal, nipple clamps, all culminating with CFS in CG position.

Other things I have tried and liked or loved (some to my surprise) include gentle bottom play including strap-ons, floggers (especially nice, soft, leather ones, yum!), minor crossdressing in private (more panties, stockings, silky things, not full outfits). electrosex play (violet wand, TENS unit and attachments).

I'm curious to hear what others think is too far out, and also what their own "sweetspots" are.

[Guest060919]

When it isn't safe.
When the adults involved aren't enjoying it.

[guest060112-3]

^ When porn is dictating the boundaries being pushed outward just for the sake of being taboo.

But yes-- when things aren't enjoyable, or people aren't putting thought into their triggers but just trying new physical things without taking into account the mental aspect is a larger part of it.

[Eccie Addict]

I've always been a pretty simple guy and it still doesn't really take any work to get me going or keep me going. Most of my interest is pretty vanilla but I've always found tying a woman up to be very erotic. However up until here recently I've never found anyone that I was comfortable exploring that with. I'd even be willing to be tied up but with only one person.

Too far for me is the harder stuff such as pain, shock stuff, clamps ect. ect... I, like one has already said, need the sexual part as well. Light spanking and hair pulling is a turn on but not anything that causes pain.

At least not yet lol....

On a side note, if anyone has any suggestions on sites or books on rope tying for bondage please point me to them. PM or here is fine if you prefer.

[ElisabethWhispers]

I guess that I didn't make myself clear ALTHOUGH ... I do love the way that the direction of this thread is going.

What I meant is, and what is being discussed is great as well, is have you ever been in a situation where you've pushed the boundaries perhaps MORE than you have in the past with a lover or a client and afterwards you ask yourself, "What have I just done?".

And then you feel a little disgusted with yourself or slightly sick. I did that when I first fisted a guy. It was one of the most thrilling things that I have ever done. My endorphins were flying and I had completely everything correctly and everything was fine.

He left. And about 45 minutes later I thought to myself that I had really crossed some line within myself. Would I do it again? Yes. But it was a little more than top drop.

It's a question of how far would I go without thinking to myself, "Oh. My. God". I don't believe that I'm making sense.

Hmmm....I'm actually saying similar things as everyone else has said.

Alright. I'll take my foot out of my mouth, now!!!

Elisabeth

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by spice-is-nice

Great question E,

Some of the things I can think of as I write this which are too extreme for me to try/enjoy include:

• brown showers
• roman showers
• piercing, branding, bleeding
• angry or humiliating scenes
• rough treatment of my testicles (not at ALL a turn-on for me, just makes me nauseated)
• corporal which goes beyond dancing on the boundary between pleasure and pain as a mean to get to subspace. For me, playing on the pain/pleasure boundary is great fun, being hurt is not.
• There are lots of other fetishes which aren't too extreme, but which I just don't have an interest in (some of these things I will do to please my partner if she gets off on them) such as foot worship, elaborate knot tying (no matter how artful looking), rubber, leather, or vinyl past the point of accents, doing housework, being caged, cuckold fantasies, human furniture, smoking fantasies, animal costumes, balloons, and lots more.

Somewhere around my late 40s I decided that I for sure wanted to try anything and everything which appealed to me, or that I was even curious about, and even some things I didn't think I would care for, just so I would have some context to understand all sorts of play, and so I made sure I tried everything I might like before I got too old to actively play. I have found that sexually I basically like being somewhat submissive, and have no real interest in being sexually dominant. I love everything from soft and sensual to fairly hard BDSM (if done skilfully, proper warmup and all that), but that my real sweetspot is mild to moderately intense sensual domination with the right kind of woman.

I'm a happy adventurer, so the challenge was always to find ladies (like you and a few others in here seem to be) who were interested in exploring lots of kinky activities, but who were fun and loving about it. I have experienced corporal to the point of getting into full-fledged subspace on several occasion. It is an intoxicating place to be, but most of the ladies who are really into that don't incorporate sex into the activities. It was interesting, but, I really find that I need sexuality in my play. Most of my play ranges from vanilla (which is certainly quite lovely with no kink at all) to being sensually dominated.

I have definitely found that I like for my partner to be assertive about her pleasure even for a vanilla encounter. I don't see anyone more than once who isn't literate, enthusiastic, and willing to let me please her at least as much as she pleases me. A partner who demurs and says "it's all about you" isn't someone I would see twice.

Pleasing my partner is at least as much fun for me as being pleased. I absolutely love a fun role play with "forced" daty/dato, aggressive kissing by my partner, simple bondage, maybe a blindfold, tease and denial, moderate corporal, nipple clamps, all culminating with CFS in CG position.

Other things I have tried and liked or loved (some to my surprise) include gentle bottom play including strap-ons, floggers (especially nice, soft, leather ones, yum!), minor crossdressing in private (more panties, stockings, silky things, not full outfits). electrosex play (violet wand, TENS unit and attachments).

I'm curious to hear what others think is too far out, and also what their own "sweetspots" are.

Well to Another Realm!!!! I just LOVED your response! And I am personally looking forward to seeing more of you around!

Take care,
Elisabeth

P.S. Maybe you could start a new topic about "sweet spots" for me?

[Boltfan]

Maybe I am not pushing myself enough but I am yet to feel any regret after trying something. I may not want to do it again but there is no regret.

[The Fetishist]

I think you answered your own question.

If it is working for you and you do not immediately go "What the HELL am I doing", then you are probably not past your or their boundaries. The after feelings are to be respected and analyzed, but only in retrospect.

Did you enjoy it at the time?
Did you hurt anyone?
Did you force them past their boundaries?

Yes, heat of the moment has caused me regret before, but not such that I would never try something again, with the RIGHT partner(s). There are things I felt I would never do and when the moment and mood were right, I went on with them. They were not the issue, but my own mind and societal norms causing me to set the boundary.

If you feel like it is something you did not enjoy, then chalk it up to the experience and take it off your list. Yes, I have done this, and decided that it was not for me. But at least I did try and I now know. So many spend their lifes in quiet desperation, dreaming of things we do. Or peak in here, afraid and titillated. I would much rather say," Yes, Tried it and did not like it" than "Damn, I wish I had the guts to do that".

Not sure if that helps any at all.

Fetish

[LuckJack]

I am very careful about pain, I have caused enough physical harm in my life not to want to hurt anyone else. I also have a high tolerance to pain (not being macho it has got me into trouble my whole life) so a safe word might be too late for me.

As far verbal abuse, one provider knew I liked her in control sometimes and naturally when into the verbal humiliation thing, I had to leave the room, I think it reminded me of the SO. So yes I have crossed a personnel line I didn't know I had.

[whitechocolate]

Sex is one area where boundaries should be tested as long as it is safe and parties consent to the test. How do you know if it is a turn on unless you try it out. In my experience, most of the time you try something and it either does nothing to excite you or you want to experience it again and again and discover a new turn on. Many guys and gals seem to have preconceived notions about certain things and aren't adventuresome enough to test those notions.

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by LuckJack

I am very careful about pain, I have caused enough physical harm in my life not to want to hurt anyone else. I also have a high tolerance to pain (not being macho it has got me into trouble my whole life) so a safe word might be too late for me.

As far verbal abuse, one provider knew I liked her in control sometimes and naturally when into the verbal humiliation thing, I had to leave the room, I think it reminded me of the SO. So yes I have crossed a personnel line I didn't know I had.

To hijack my own thread, I also have a problem with humiliation. Some of that will come naturally when you're dealing with being a mommy with an adult baby and age play. Fussing at the naughty little boy with his hard-on is something that all good mommies must do.

But when it's the type of verbal humiliation that I believe I know what you're speaking of, I just cannot do it if it's feeding into something that well ... just isn't right.

I cannot explain it but I certainly understand what you're saying.

I have known men who just don't have the mentality to do ANYTHING that might be in the slight bit painful. Personally, I love this trait in clients but that's not what we're speaking of now.

It's a complicated topic this thing that we do.

Elisabeth (Who is currently looking for a nun's outfit!)

[The Fetishist]

Humiliation is not something I do not like or can I do well. A well placed "Suck my cock, Bitch" is ok, but real humiliation, Pass. i tried it, it bothered me on a level below in my Psyche that I do not like or enjoy. I celebrate my submissive and do not think running them down is a way to do that. I also like a sub that is a complete person, not a doormat for my desires. It is about us both enjoying, not about me forcing another to do what I desire.

Look at me prattle on. Hope this thread is helping EW.

Fetish.

[FishGuy13]

Hmm, I like this thread. As for me I'd say as long as the act did not cause any long term harm go for it. Now to clairify a bit, texting a nude pic of yourself to one is one thing posting a nude pic of yourself or an other may cause some long term dammage to someones job or other part of their personal life. Some spanking that leaves a mark is one think, if it leaves a scar, brand, broken bone, etc., that is another. I am not into pain, but that is not to say I would not try some 'discomfort' giving or receiving. Under 18 is off limits, and as for the most part mid 20's is about my lower limit, animals not sure.