Yep. #1 in River Sing's list says monogamy isn't natural for men. Agreed. But it isn't natural for women, either. There may be a small %age of ppl of both sexes for whom mono. feels 100% right. Good for them. They are the exception, not the rule.
Monogamy is so bizarrely unnatural that layers of coercion in societies are needed to enforce it. It starts with BS fairy tales told to kids with the hero and heroine living happily ever after. Not reality. Then there are religious injunctions demanding monogamous marriages required, sometimes on pain of death if violated. Failing that there is slut-shaming/player-pointing. This typically comes from ppl who are too personally insecure and/or in denial about what they really want in terms of a sex/personal life that they can't stomach the idea that someone may actually want to live polyamorously/polysexually and do so without any shame. When pressed for justification they eventually fall back on specious arguments or they suddenly get religion about it. Ludicrous.
For over 99% of human history, ppl have been shamelessly polysexual. Everyone alive today owes their existence to ppl who lived both long ago and not so long ago who fucked one another silly, often publicly, frequently in groups. Women regularly (ie, daily) had sex with multiple men in the course of a day, men likewise, esp. younger men, mated with many women. This is responsible for the survival of humanity for much of its history.
The mortality rate among primitive humans was prob around 7/10 ppl dying before puberty. No one cared who a kid's daddy was. The child was the tribe's, period. Any child who could make it to biological adulthood was a bloody miracle. Ppl who survived lived to be 30, if lucky. Early urban civilization saw it improve a bit to 5/10 ppl dying before adulthood. In 1800, only 1 billion ppl existed, after all this time. Less than 220 yrs. later, we are at nearly 7.5 billion. Thank modern medicine and oral hygiene for this. (Or maybe, don't thank them. We are fast overpopulating.)
But my point is just this: humans have lived as sexually very promiscuous creatures for a very long time, even after our IQs shot up to where they are now. We are the decendents of the horniest, most successfully prolific members of our race who have ever lived. To imagine that we ourselves have somehow magically become "naturally" monogamous is total bullshit. And yet, religious kooks, sexually repressed moralists, and jealousy- and insecurity-ridden lovers and spouses rush to condemn anyone who calls bullshit on this myth.
Well, fuck them. I call bullshit. I was married for 8 years. I told my ex several times while we were married that she was free to date/fuck anyone else she wanted to. She could never quite believe me. She said she thought I was testing her or looking for an excuse to start banging other girls. No. I was simply in no denial abt how hard monogamy is and how much women also enjoy sexual variety, as much as men, just are afraid to admit it for fear of being slut-shamed principally by other women. Our marriage didn't last but not bc of infidelity.
These days I am openly polyamorous/polysexual. I don't go around babbling abt it but if anyone asks abt my personal life, I simply tell them I am poly. I have dated women and been very upfront abt it. I have also been clear that as far as I'm concerned, any woman I date is 100% free to be as sexual/romantic with whoever she wants to be: men and/or other women, one-night stands, on-going sexual or romantic rel'ps, etc. She is free to tell me abt her other interests/encounters or not. Ultimately it is entirely her own business and her own body. That I date a woman or even love her does not give me any claim over her, her body, or her sexuality. By loving this way, I free both of us from the toxic effects of jealousy, insecurity, etc. I should've adopted this mind-set 20 or 30 years ago.
If ever I get married again, our rel'p will be open. My theoretical future wife could even be a prostitute; so long as she is happy doing it, I am fine with it. If I love a woman I want her to do what makes her happy, period, w/in reason (ie, if her thing is molesting kids or assassinating ppl for pay, well then, no).
As breathtakingly obvious is the wisdom of this attitude to me, it utterly confounds ppl who I have known for decades, despite their own life experiences. One guy I know from college is on marriage no. 3. First one fell apart bc of an affair he had. Second one bc of mult. affairs his wife had. Now he is on no. 3. Well if he and no. 1 had just agreed to be poly from the get-go, they'd still be together now, prob happily, with their kids all under the same roof. Instead there are now 2 sets of fractured children who have to live with the unnecessary effects of their parents splitting up bc they were only doing what came naturally to them: banging more than one person (*gasp*).
Monogamy is a total crock of shit and really needs to be consigned to the nearest dustbin of history.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaJones
I support the Neanderthal theory but every time I look in other forums with people who are noreline nuts and about clearing cashe's....it makes me cringe. Marriage is not for me
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