Psychology of BDSM

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Krunkman

But with that being said, I also think that this also limits this sort of thing to a very small subset of people who can afford to pay to first establish that the provider can actually do this, and then you need to have enough sessions with them to know that you can trust them enough to open up to them.

That is true for me as well. I never have BDSM guys who are not regulars. Most often, and that is the emphasis in what i am doing as provider, the "relationship" grows with more time. Emphasis is on challenge and exploring. I personally get totally turned off by clients who have it "all figured out" already in their mind and want me to revive the fantasy. That is not what it`s about with me, ever. That is where people can go to 25 year old girlies with no experience whatso ever. They are good for being directed. For me: Its about NEW and CHALLENGING and experience of guidance. That is what makes BDSM an especially great focus, because plain vanilla sex you can only explore "so much" (how many positions are there? Hard or soft? Or both? With or without hairpulling ;-)..But sorry, that `s about it already (lol)...).

Some people don`t even know what kind of desires they might have, before they met "me" (not as in arrogantly speaking me as a person , but as a teacher and guide that helps them open - so "me" as in all providers who are focussing on that). Also, I had clients teach me as well, some things i was not interested in before someone made me curious and convinced me :-).

I had ex boyfriends being addicted sexually to what i have done with them, so they needed their new gfs to perform the same :-). That explains the blunt need some of my exes have to talk about what i did in bed. I hate it, but its comprehensible from the "addiction and replacement" kind of view - once the relationship is over, you need the "thrill" but can`t get it anymore from that person, so you need someone submissive playing by your rules :-). (lol). I bet that happened to a lot of providers , i am sure :-). That is also the area where "non emotional" comes to play and makes a lot of things a lot easier :-)

[Krunkman]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

... I personally get totally turned off by clients who have it "all figured out" already in their mind and want me to revive the fantasy. That is not what it`s about with me, ever. That is where people can go to 25 year old girlies with no experience whatso ever. They are good for being directed. For me: Its about NEW and CHALLENGING and experience of guidance...

I'd have to disagree with you there, if only because having an idea/fantasy/mind image of what you want to try is, in my opinion at least, a fantastic way to start something, especially if they are a new partner. I'm not saying that it gets down to the point where everything is scripted and accounted for minute-by-minute. But if were to come to someone with a scene in my mind, I would give them a story that I wrote about it, or perhaps list the things that I wanted to do with them. A seasoned woman is going to be far more preferable to the aforementioned 25yr old who has no experience. Why? Because the woman who knows what she is doing will be able to transcend the experience for the two of us.

In some ways, I know dommes who are quite happy to have that sort of window into a persons interests. It helps them start the scene, and to transition from one aspect to another without having to totally guess. To the best of my knowledge, nobody is a mindreader (and while Yoda would make a totally cool dom... I'm not sure he'd look too good in a leather thong bodysuit with a corset, stockings and thigh-high boots on..)

I think the reality of the successful commercial domme is to be able to keep her clients coming back for more. Obviously there are going to be a few univeral truisms here, like good customer service, etc (although some people oddly respond to really negative things too in BDSM, so maybe that's not a truism at all!). But playing safely, sanely and consensually is one of those truisms that I personally hold dear.