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Laura Lynn · 09-20-2018, 06:07 AM

Great topic. I see some gents prefer the honest approach. I think ignoring someone is unprofessional, so I try to keep it simple and say, I don't think we'd be a good fit. Which is the truth, just maybe not the whole truth.

Sometimes when getting a reference, a reputable lady tells you something or you find something out through a verification site or see a post here that makes you think, hmmm I'll pass. I know there have been a few times that a gent messages me through p411 and after looking at his OKs, I'll say I don't think we'd be a good fit.

How could I possibly tell someone, "well after looking at your posting history, you seem like a card carrying incel or a douche" in a polite way? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I hate giving an exact reason for fear it could create drama, especially if the issue at hand was told to me in confidence.

TinMan · 09-20-2018, 06:41 AM

Start with letting them down easy, then if they don’t get the message be firm. But never rude.

rexdutchman · 09-20-2018, 06:49 AM

Sadly the normal is just not to respond , the best way is I'm busy or not taking new appointments.

MarineButch · 09-20-2018, 06:50 AM

TxBoi,
The WHY has baffled me too... a simple thing, maybe there has been a misunderstanding that only needs a moment of clarification.... hey, if we aren’t compatible we both will know it....

I have been turned down for plenty or reasons I just apologize for wasting their time but it helps if I know WHY i was rejected....

Creed,
Man your right on this point, I CHOSE YOU out of over 500 I could see... at least give enough feed back that if I offended I won’t do so again with someone else that
I WANT TO SEE.....

If I pick you to pm or reach out to for a visit, chances are that I REALLY want to see you. I don't pick 10 girls and then throw a dart at the names on a board and go with that.

paintedskies · 09-20-2018, 07:05 AM

I’d rather them be honest or at least reply with something nice.

Kendall4U · 09-20-2018, 07:07 AM

I don't think there is a "perfect" way to turn some one down, but I do feel that MOST everyone deserves a response. It's extremely rude to completely ignore someone, either side of the coin. Whether it be to an appt request, an ISO or any communication, IF you are respectful in your initial missive. Guys that get zero response from me are just plain crude and I will NOT waste my time entertaining their b.s. and those guys know who they are. I just say I don't think we would be a good match and wish them the best of luck. We ladies do our research too....race does not play into it as much as some of you guys think. There are lots of reasons a lady may pass and it's completely okay for us to do so, just like you guys pass on seeing certain ladies. It happens, let it go.

BLM69 · 09-20-2018, 07:50 AM

I like to hear it 100 without any sugar coating

alaine · 09-20-2018, 08:10 AM

ANA got it right...plain and simple.
"polite honesty"

MOST of the people that I say "no" to, just simply don't meet my age requirement. The next reasons would be "board persona", post history and review history. I'm not really looking at the NUMBER of reviews you have. Obviously if you have 200 plus reviews and there hasn't been any drama yet, then likely safety isn't going to be an issue.

The exception to this is, there are a few guys that are known for being stalkers and harassing ladies endlessly when they say "no". One "no" can end in months of BS. To those few, I don't respond at all.

Chung Tran · 09-20-2018, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ipthirteen1701

I agree. I've never been outright declined, but I have gotten no response from time to time. If I get no reply once, it may be that I reached out at the wrong time and I may try again when I'm available. If I get ignored twice, I take it as a hint that she does not want to see me. Fair enough, I don't take issue. I think it would be too awkward for me to get into a tiff with a lady about not seeing me and then still try to have a session. I think there would be too much baggage between us at that point.

this states my position perfectly

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brandofan

Randall, your entire reply IMO is spot on, but the quoted part is really key. It doesn't happen often, but when I do get declined I just move on. a lot of guys are visually oriented hunters with fragile egos. Once they get their mind set on a particular lady they don't easily let go.

agree, Randall's post was great, it is important for ladies to realize we picked you for inquiry AFTER we know we are very interested in seeing you. that alone is a big compliment from us to you. but if you don't want to see us, we need to move the fuck on.. these guys that whine and stalk ladies need to be locked up

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laura Lynn

How could I possibly tell someone, "well after looking at your posting history, you seem like a card carrying incel or a douche" in a polite way? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings

ladies do that to me all the time.. "no, I will not see you, dog-dicked Bastard. I read and heard so much shit about you, Hell will fucking freeze before your grubby hands attach to this body".

I gotta admit, it's not easy replying back "thanks for your time and consideration"

ERWhyNot · 09-20-2018, 08:33 AM

It's probably going to be different for everyone.As others have said, tell me no and a brief reason why.
OP and other ladies, let me ask you this. Would it help if when we reach out to you for an appointment, that we include a phrase such as, " if you don't want to see me, please be kind enough to acknowledge me with a brief reason why"?
IMO, this would help the ladies know how we want to be rejected. Lol

FunInDFW · 09-20-2018, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laura Lynn

How could I possibly tell someone, "well after looking at your posting history, you seem like a card carrying incel or a douche" in a polite way? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I hate giving an exact reason for fear it could create drama, especially if the issue at hand was told to me in confidence.

Never thought I'd see someone dropping incel here. Spoken like someone who only likes Chads. Back to the red pill I go.

Brandofan · 09-20-2018, 08:36 AM

We need an ECCIE app that allows providers to swipe left or right.

pistol shot · 09-20-2018, 08:41 AM

Polite honesty is the way to go. If he can’t handle it, that’s his problem.

pistol shot · 09-20-2018, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laura Lynn

Great topic. I see some gents prefer the honest approach. I think ignoring someone is unprofessional, so I try to keep it simple and say, I don't think we'd be a good fit. Which is the truth, just maybe not the whole truth.

Sometimes when getting a reference, a reputable lady tells you something or you find something out through a verification site or see a post here that makes you think, hmmm I'll pass. I know there have been a few times that a gent messages me through p411 and after looking at his OKs, I'll say I don't think we'd be a good fit.

How could I possibly tell someone, "well after looking at your posting history, you seem like a card carrying incel or a douche" in a polite way? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I hate giving an exact reason for fear it could create drama, especially if the issue at hand was told to me in confidence.

This is exactly what I meant by polite truth. By saying “I don’t think we’re a good fit”, you’re being straightforward and honest, but polite. And you avoid having to play games with people.

Ladies don’t owe anyone more info than that. It’s not an entitlement. Like I said, if he can’t handle polite honesty and be able to just move on, then it’s his problem.

Chung Tran · 09-20-2018, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERWhyNot

It's probably going to be different for everyone.As others have said, tell me no and a brief reason why.
OP and other ladies, let me ask you this. Would it help if when we reach out to you for an appointment, that we include a phrase such as, " if you don't want to see me, please be kind enough to acknowledge me with a brief reason why"?
IMO, this would help the ladies know how we want to be rejected. Lol

I'm not feeling you guys who think ladies owe any kind of explanation. if I'm on the other side of the equation, in their shoes, why risk a backlash? whatever I say will likely not be accepted. if I'm lucky the guy won't respond further, if I'm not he will stalk and berate me. none of us thinks we will be rejected, or we wouldn't make the attempt, and some guys can't handle the slightest of reasons for rejection.

that is bad posture to request a reason, if she rejects us. if I'm a Lady reading that, I would think you believe I should reject you, and I would be a little creeped out