What Constitutes a "Bad" Blowjob?

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by motocrossman39

Just constant bobbing up and down, no passion, licking, teasing, etc.
It gets boring quickly....

or if it's just up/down the crown and not much past it, esp if she's using her hand as a kind of buffer so she doesnt have to take most of it inside her mouth.
if there's more use of hands than there is use of lips, tongue, mouth.
if she's getting you close and then silently transitions to HJ for the final strokes.

i concur w/ mtabsw - consulted w/ 5 of the ones he listed.
all very deliteful.

and as daty/o and shlub wrote...

Originally Posted by daty/o

If she really does not want to do it.

Originally Posted by shlub

No enthusiasm. I want to at least THINK you are into it...

if she's not into it and is just going thru the motions, forget it.
i'll go consult w/ someone who enjoys or who really appears to enjoy it.
"mmmmm, that's a mouthful."
"mmmmm, such a great protein shake."
"mmmmm, you taste fruity."
"mmmmm, that was fantastic"

[MrKlean]

A BJ with a condom

[phildo]

I wanted to ask this the other day, because after reading some reviews there were a lot of stellar blow jobs in them. And I was wondering, you know, like somebody else said, is there really a bad blow job? The worst one I ever had was better than not having had it. All the theatrics and nutsack play and slobber, that's good. But a girl from down the street who has no idea what she's doing sucking your dick in the front seat of your dad's car and she almost gags and you get spooge all over his mail, hell that beats mowing the yard in my book.

Especially when you tell him you spilled "milkshake" in the front seat and you're really sorry.

For everything else there's MasterCard!

[pmdelites]

i'll stand over here and say the worst one i had was not worth it at all.
would have rather spent my time engaging in fs with a much nicer woman.

but that was back in the day when i was less, ... hmm, what's the word i want to use....

choosy, cultivated, discerning, distinctive, eclectic, fastidious, fussy, individualizing, judicious, keen, particular, persnickety, picky, prudent, refined, select, selective, sensitive, tasteful, wise.

thanks thesaurus.com!

[Jobe0111]

Falling asleep...yes, I had a provider fall asleep while in her mouth. I will say it looked kind of cute, like a baby nodding off with a binky in her mouth. lol

I was really careful pulling out because I did not want to suddenly wake her.

[daty/o]

Originally Posted by phildo

But a girl from down the street who has no idea what she's doing sucking your dick in the front seat of your dad's car and she almost gags and you get spooge all over his mail, hell that beats mowing the yard in my book.
Especially when you tell him you spilled "milkshake" in the front seat and you're really sorry.

Priceless! You can't make shit like this up.

[texascoffee]

Two:

1. She started with gum in her mouth and lost it in my ball hair..


2. A month ago my gf goes down on me, looks up a minute later and says... "is that enough, can we have sex now?"

[Bestman200600]

When she bites.

[ItalianaPrincess]

One with no eye contact.

One after she just ate some mexican food and she gags....ew.

One with a really drunk chic that pukes all over it when you gag her with it...double ew!

One that you pay for. Then afterwards, you realize that your wife would've done a better job...

One from a chic that tries to upsell you CIM (I've heard stories of girls that do that) ...that's funny.

One from a chic that turns out to be a dude...ha haha

[ProfessorC]

One that results in more blood than cum.

[Prolongus]

Never really had a bad one but in reference to Italiana I did have one many years ago that was unfair:
She's goin' at it great and she anticipated me exploding, looked at me and said:
"For another $50, I'll CIM no spit?"

That's just not FAIR...of course, I said yes. And, never saw her again.
Men are such weak bastards.

[txcwby6]

If the woman keeps her mouth so loose that my dick is only being brushed as she seemingly "lets' it touch the inside of her mouth.

A BJ where she's trying to make me cum with her hand rather than her mouth.

A BJ that's based on her perception that sooner or later that horrible goo called cum is gonna be on her or (Ewwwww!!!) in her mouth!!

Piston-like up and down head bobbing that shows little, if any imagination on making it uinpredictable. Come on dumbass...grab my balls..lick the haft...try really "sucking" my dick...ever heard about squeezing the shaft like you're interested in making it last rather than jacking me off in nervous fashion so that I think all you care about is "getting it over with."

Getting the look of "I think I'm gonna be sick" when I start to cum in your mouth.

Those are just a few.

[plove35]

If its not by a provider on this board then its probably a bad bj

[Buccaneer]

When their moustache tickles

[guest043013-2]

Thank you for this thread. The sad stories here make me realize I have really been a lucky SOB when it comes to BBBJ.